Have you ever had that moment when God seems to be screaming at you? Well, that's how I came to be where I am now, signing up for The World Race. God screamed at me to go. I'll back up so you can get the whole story.
I have grown up in a loving Christian home my entire life. Growing up, I've done all the right things: prayers before bed, vacation bible schools in the summer, Sunday school after church, bible studies with my friends and church groups. I went on mission trips in the summers and volunteered occasionally on the weekends. I did it all right.
But middle school and high school were rough for me. I couldn't ever seem to find a place where I felt comfortable. I struggled. I couldn't seem to understand why. I knew Jesus. I knew the stories of His life, I knew why He came, what He did and what I was supposed to do to thank Him. But I couldn't feel Him.
I couldn't find Him in my life. I kept looking for Him in the people around me. I'm the kind of person who is all or nothing in relationships. I put all of my trust into others, hoping that they could help me find my place in the world. And as humans do, they disappointed me. I got hurt and kept feeling like I had nobody to turn to. My heart broke often and it broke completely. But I looked in the wrong places to repair it.
I heard about The World Race from a complete stranger. I was at Jubilee, a conference for college-aged Christians, where I shared a hotel room with some girls whom I had never met. The night before I heard about the race, I cried myself to sleep. My heart had been broken again by someone who I was sure would never hurt me. The morning after, one of the girls in my room told me about a couple of friends who had gone on the race and said it had changed their life. She said it had brought them closer to God. It was one of those rare moments where I was so positive that this was coming from God. He was answering my prayers, drying my tears. That's all I wanted. I wanted to be close to Him, I wanted to put my trust in someone who would never forsake me, never leave me.
But 11 months?! When God so graciously answered my prayers and my tears, I responded with a, “I hear you, but hang on a second…” I had to finish college first! This was the time when I needed to be focusing on my studies. And I wasn’t ready to be gone for 11 months! I couldn’t handle that yet. “Maybe in a few years God.” I was so busy living the life that I had planned out for myself that I wasn’t listening to what He was constantly saying in my ear,
You see, I’m a planner. My weekly agenda is obsessive (I’ve been known to schedule showers and meals) and my four-year plan for my class schedule has been in place since the moment I officially declared my double major and double minor. And I don’t take deviations from the plan lightly.
So instead of going, I stalked the World Race website for a year. I watched every video and read tons of blogs. I dreamed about which route I'd want to go on. I wanted to feel Him. But it wasn’t time yet. I’ll feel Him later.
In the Fall of 2012, I had a scheduled adventure. I studied abroad in Quito, Ecuador for a total of 5 months. It changed my life. I found my sense of spontaneity and adventure. I found my love of travel. During those five months, I found who I was. For the first time, I felt like I was living a life, not a schedule.
Coming back to school after my experience in Ecuador, I couldn’t go back to living my schedule. My plans weren’t enough anymore. I heard His voice again,
So I started stalking World Race again. One day while sitting in a class watching a movie about aliens, I got on Facebook on my phone (oops…) and saw a status from World Race about the Spanish Route. My heart jumped. I had fallen so in love with the Spanish language and the Latin-American culture while in Ecuador. This was my perfect race. Within a minute of seeing the post, I wrote out a note explaining what I’d discovered and passed it (in a very middle school manner) down the table to two of my best friends. They read the note and looked at me knowingly.
During lunch following class, my friends and I brainstormed ways that I could make the trip happen. Here was the problem: The trip leaves in January and I’m supposed to graduate in May.
Here I was again, with God screaming His plan for me in my ear and I am telling Him no. But this time I knew God was screaming at me and I wasn’t as quick to ignore Him. I went back to my room and made an account on The World Race website to look at the application process. I barely slept that night thinking about the Spanish route. It was the right race at the wrong time.
The next day I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. When I answered and discovered who it was, I cried. It was The World Race calling to talk about my interest in going on a route. I felt bad for the poor man on the other line as I unsuccessfully tried to form words amidst my tears.
After hearing God time after time and simply ignoring His call, here He was again: right in front of me, screaming.
So now I’m on his plan, his timing. The plan is to graduate a semester early from Manchester, with the help of some amazing professors and administrators. And with the amazing support of my loving friends and family, I’ll go. I’ll finally follow his call and his plan and go on The World Race.
So here I am God, ready and willing. I surrender. I hear you and I’m ready to follow your plan, abandoning my own. My heart is yours, ready for
breaking and reforming. Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Show me your people who need love and give me the strength
and compassion to deliver it.
