“Can you imagine coming to the end of your life, surrounded by the people who loved you, only to realize they never fully knew you?” -Scary Close by Donald Miller
Growing up our family was always open with one another, sharing stories of life, love, and setbacks. At an early age my mom warned me there was a fine line between private and personal.
Private is the secrets, the things you don’t reveal about your heart.
Personal is what you share with those whom have proven their trustworthiness to you.
“Above all else guard your heart” My mom would share with me from a verse in the bible.
Those whom know me well know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am sensitive to the core. the one thing I hate and love most about myself.
I feel deeply.
Being thrown into a community of 60 people that I have I known for less than a total of 3 weeks has been testing. My time in India so far has had both its highs and lows, which is evitable.
I carry these masks with me.
The mask that I must be successful in a career: finding my identity in how much money I can make. Fearing that I will only be loved if I am successful.
The mask of the people pleaser: how many people can I make laugh to like me.
The mask of a warrior: I have masked all of my life scars into the muscle of a warrior, I persisted.
I have all these stories but they definitely aren’t the ones I am telling people.
I let on to those around me that I’m this strong independent woman who doesn’t need you or your ear of support, in other words I’m guarded. I am human after all. Broken even. But if I wasn’t broken there would be no place for the light to shine through.
”in him was life, and that life was in the light of man. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.” John 1:4-5
When we seek out God, the darkness evaporates. When we are in God we cannot hide. When we are in God we do not need to pretend anymore. Be with God- I promise you will have freedom, and an undeniable courage to feel free in the man or woman you were created to be.
Being with 60 people I barely know is scary. I have found that there is so much freedom in being vulnerable. After all, people connect through their vulnerabilities. Every day I have a decision to make. Walk in Freedom or Walk in the shadows.
For those of you whom enjoy a good read I would suggest picking up Scary Close by Donald Miller. You won’t regret it.
XO B
