I’m sitting alone in a dimly lit hostel room in Kalua Lampur, Malaysia listening to Audrey Assad, Hillsong United, and the likes. This is the eve of my return to America.
I’m not really sure how I feel, or how to fully express the thoughts going on inside of my head and heart. I wonder if I even feel anything at all right now. I’m a slow processor, and things tend to “hit me” at later periods than when it actually occurs.
So right now, I’m doing o.k. with emotions, but I know there is a lot of processing that has to take place, and I’m sure it will take me some time to fully process everything that God allowed me to see, go though, and be a part of these past 11 months.
There is one thing I know for sure.
When I joined the The World Race… I was broken. I was done with doing me, and hungry to do what God wanted. I had no idea where He would lead me, or what work He would do exactly, but I knew that my heart was in a broken, pliable position… ready to be restored, repaired, and redeemed.
Little did I know that I would leave the race with my heart not just in a broken position, but in an even MORE broken position.
I’m more broken, humbled, and desperate for Him, than I was when I started this 11 months ago.
God has brought me to a whole new level of trust in almost every aspect of my life.
It’s another layer that God has peeled back, in this season of my life, to bring me deeper to Him, and draw me closer to His unfailing, faithful, and powerful love.
It’s a painful season. One with so many uncertainties about the future, other than He’s calling me to Thailand in October, and I’ll be in America for a couple months. But beyond that.. I have no idea… I don’t know how things will fall into place for my time in Thailand, or how everything will fall into place in other areas of my life. But I do know His word says to seek Him first.
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers�”most of
which are never even seen�”don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take
pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get
you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving.
People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things,
but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality,
God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll
find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”
-Matt 6:32-33
He’s teaching me to be head over heels in love with the Giver, and not the gifts. To hold those gifts with open palms.
To rejoice when my brothers and sisters rejoice, and intercede for them when they need it.
To sing in my heart “God is so good” in the beautiful times, and the broken times… and truly mean it during both times.
If we allow Him.. He will use the broken times to lead us to the most beautiful stories of His faithfulness and jaw dropping works.
I have to say goodbye to many amazing people and things on The World Race, but I will not ever forget the lessons He has taught me through each part and person on this journey… (especially after I process more)
If this brokenness brings me to my knees, at my King’s feet, then so be it. Because I know that all He does is good, and “I trust Him with all my heart.” Psalm 28:7
He’s bringing me into a season of “get ready to do a lot of work!” And I know that He will be my strength, and my help. There is a deep peace, and excitement bubbling inside for what is to come.
I can’t thank you enough for all your prayer support and financial support as you ran this race with me. I am so honored to serve God, with you, and bring His truth and Kingdom to so many people around the world… but it doesn’t end here.
Thailand is the next part of this life journey, and I would love for you to be a part of this next season with me as well. I have created a new blog site to chronicle the upcoming journey. I will not be posting up any more blogs on this world race page.
www.agendalove.com
I would love to add your name to the subscribers list, however if you do not want to receive new updates could you please respond back, in an email, with a “no thank you”.
For my ministry in Thailand, I will be needing more prayer support than ever before, and financially I will need support as well. Please pray about being a part of either or both of those.
I’ll end this blog with a quote from a 90’s song.
“Closing time…every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”
New beginning…here I come.
Agenda: Love,
Bethsaida
