I’m sitting here thinking “Lord, why did you do this to me? Why have you placed this burden in me? Why did you throw this monkey wrench in my life? “
I get scared thinking about all I will face on this journey ahead. The bugs, the weather, the sketchy transportation, no comfy bed, no heat, no clean bathroom, disease..
I never wanted to be a “missionary”. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said i just wanted to help people and do music. This world race never crossed my mind. Being a human rights activist was never at the top of my list.
The reality is starting to hit me because I’m moving back into my parents house in a couple of months. I have to start packing and selling my things in a couple weeks. Who will take care of my cats? I have to repaint this entire apt again? How am I going to pack for 11 months in a book bag? Where is the $14,300 going to come from? Where will the money for all my equipment come from? “Oh Lord, I’m super excited, but super scared!”
I may not even come back. If my heart is too broken for a country or a cause, I may very well stay there and work. What would I do? Come back here when my heart is else where? I don’t think so.. but who knows?.. God..you do
Though i have so many questions and fears , I have this amazing peace, I can’t even explain. I know that I HAVE to go. I really want to go, and I’m thankful I have the opportunity to go. So.. here I go…
Agenda: Love,
Bethsaida
