Today has been a day of mixed emotions and some bittersweet “hellos and goodbyes“ as I stick with the peace the Lord has given me in leaving my journey on the world race early. It has been a hard decision and one I have not made lightly, but one I know the Lord is in. I am so thankful for the relationships I have made and the friendships I have built as well as the growing experiences I have gone through these past several months. God is so good and my journey across the Middle East was so worth the intertwined tears of joy and sorrow that came along for the ride. I do not wish to go into details on why I am ending my journey early on here, but would love to answer any questions via private message or email. All in all, I am so extremely thankful for the chapter I just finished and I look forward to the one back home I am about to begin. In closing, I’d like to leave with a poem I wrote in processing the experiences and growth the Lord has brought me through. Thank you all for your support, love, and grace—it has meant the world to me.
Praying and Longing
Which should we be praying for?
The healing of soul or the healing of flesh?
One lasts forever and one leads to death.
One withers like the grass when lost in a fire
The other ignites a flame after going through the mire.
One lasts for a moment and brings temporary peace.
The other a joy eternal that will never ever cease.
Which should we be praying for?
The healing of flesh or the healing of soul?
One is a tool that might lead to the other,
But the way, the truth, the life is the one thing that really matters.
See the healing of soul is the desire of God’s heart.
That all may come to Him, that none would ever part.
We should pray for healing of many different stresses
Whether physical or emotional, people have all sorts of messes
But never should it ever replace the one true thing.
For Christs death and resurrection brings the most powerful heart healing.
And when we pray for healing we should always pray expectantly.
Expectant that our God and Lord is capable of all.
Making sure to realize that his sovereignty is tall.
His thoughts and ways are higher than our own.
So pray with boldness, yes of course,
But remember He and only He is God alone.
He can heal a heart without us even knowing,
He can plant the seed with simple kindness sowing.
He can bring his kingdom by letting someone suffer
For in the broken places He shows us He’s our lover.
It’s easy to get caught up on the gift and not the giver,
For the gift is beautiful, good, and sweet
But is not what makes our hearts beat.
For to God Himself their is no compare
And all things else our rendered meaningless to His loving care.
His loving care comes in many different ways,
The touch of a hand, the smile on ones face,
a simple prayer for peace and for joy and for grace.
A connection made, a relationship formed,
spending time with the one who seems so alone.
For the simple gospel of Love can stand on His own.
So what is it we should say?
What can save a life?
What should be our focus when sending prayers on high?
Which should we be longing for?
The love of self or the love for our Lord.
We tell ourselves we’re good and enough.
We say we’re worthy and strong and tough.
But the Bible says we are wicked sinners
Eternal damnation is the end we deserved
With nothing to offer and our own wretchedness to bare.
We should fall on our knees and see Christ there.
Now of course we know we actually need Him.
But we so easily turn to self phrases that please us.
We let our emotions dictate our needs
And offer up words of empowerment for ourselves instead of Jesus.
For power does not come from our own selfish ambition.
Nor does it come from our idea of self image.
We don’t receive power to demand someones attention.
And definitely shouldn’t say things just cause we have the ability to say them.
Yes, we can recognize the truths of who He says we are.
We are his masterpiece, we are a new creation.
Fearfully and wonderfully made let us praise Him.
But that’s the point—it always has been.
He gives us this life to glorify Him.
We don’t need to build ourselves up to find our identity.
We also don’t need to tear ourselves down in false humility
We simply turn our eyes to the face of the Savior
and remember the greatest love of our perfect Creator.
For in our weakness He is made strong.
In our struggle he carries us along.
Our nothingness is a beautiful thing
It’s through refiners fire we get that purified gold ring.
So why so concerned with feeling empowered?
Does our flesh need to die or be more glorified?
We crave the power and the high it brings,
To feel so strong and capable of all things.
But when that power is to glorify us
It only reaps temporary relief from a life so full of despair and dust.
Why do we continue to feed the lies of self entitlement
Instead of remember the One who for our souls sake was sent?
So which should we be praying for?
Which should we be longing for?
One lasts forever and one leads to death.
One withers like the grass when lost in a fire
The other ignites a flame after going through the mire.
One lasts for a moment and brings temporary peace.
The other a joy eternal that will never ever cease.
His Word is healing to the flesh and a refreshment for the bones.
His Word is eternal and forever gives us hope.
His Word became flesh and dwelt on this earth.
His Word brings us a love and reveals our true worth.
So what am I praying for?
What am I longing for?
The way, the truth, and the life.
May You be evident always in my life.
