I’m not even sure where to begin—and to be honest, I don’t even want to write this blog. This is not a topic I am comfortable talking about with people that I am close with, let alone sharing it with people on the internet; in fact, this isn’t even something I have told my parents about before. However, what I do know is that God told me I need to write about it this week. Why? I’m not so sure, but I guess that is for God to know and for me to find out—maybe.
So, “what is that topic,” you may ask.
Good question.
And an uncomfortable one—for many reasons.
Before coming on the race, I could count on one hand the number of people I have talked to about my experiences with this topic: abuse—sexual abuse, to be more specific.
Now you probably understand why I said it’s an uncomfortable topic, huh?
Thankfully God told me that this isn’t supposed to be a blog over my experiences with it, but rather one of how He has been able to work in my heart and give me the grace to forgive those people who have hurt me. And let me tell you, it is a daily choice to forgive them and some days are easier than others—a lot easier—but also let me tell you, that it is worth it, even on those hard days.
The forgiveness isn’t necessarily for them, but rather it is for me—I need to continually forgive in order that I will be able to walk in the freedom that God has for me. Although I am not there yet, there may be a day that God will call me to confront those people and tell them that I forgive them and when I think of that it truly makes me shudder. I know that if God is the one calling me to do it, then I know that He will guide me and give me the right words to say; as well as give them the heart to receive and be remorseful. After all, just as this continual forgiveness is giving me freedom, I know God does not want those people to live in the bondage of guilt from their sin any longer either.
I was reading a book almost two years ago called Unconditional? and in it there was a line that I will never forget: “Christ followers are called to radical forgiveness, unreasonable forgiveness, reckless forgiveness, endless forgiveness, seemingly impossible forgiveness.”
To this day, it is that last part that gets me—seemingly impossible forgiveness. I know that many people would say I would be justified if I didn’t forgive those people who have abused me in the past and in lots of ways I would agree; however, I know that God does not view this situation through worldly eyes, but rather heavenly eyes and he calls us to forgive those who have hurt us.
They key is, God did not just call us to forgive the people who hurt us a little bit—He calls us to forgive everyone who has hurt us, no matter how big or small the wound. In fact, in Luke 23:34, Jesus models this seemingly impossible forgiveness while on the cross, when he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Now don’t get me wrong, I am not naïve enough to think that the people who abused me didn’t know what they were doing—I am most confident that they did; but that wasn’t the point, the point is that God would not ask us to do something that he hasn’t done himself—i.e. forgiving someone who did something so horrible as killing His son on the cross. Therefore, when I read in the Lord’s Prayer where it says, “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,” as well as two verses later when it says, “for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,” I can have a peace in my heart that God is not telling us to do something that He Himself has not done already.
And if God has already done the forgiveness aspect Himself, I know that He is willing to give me the ability to forgive those who have hurt me, and thus I will receive freedom from Him to walk in confidence in his love, peace, and joy.
2 Corinthians 3:17 – Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
So, even when there are days that the forgiveness aspect post-abuse seems impossible, I know that it is necessary, and I know that it is from God. And I thank God for the ability to forgive—even when I am in my flesh and do not want to forgive.
I will probably write a blog post over how forgiveness is not just a feeling, but rather an action; but I want to keep this post short and not get sidetracked from what God wants me to write about.
