Wow, I’m almost two weeks into Month 11 already!
So for my launch window (aka. the time that V, W, X, Y, and Z squads left for the World Race in August 2017) AIM restructured how month 11 looks.
Specified ministry? Gone.
Teams? Gone.
Team Time? Gone.
Feedback? Gone.
This has been done in an attempt to help us Racers get ready to transition home where we will not have ministry set out before us and we won’t have our teams, team times, or feedback sessions.
In lots of ways this is awesome and definitely a nice change to the pace.
However…
It. Is. Hard.
I am someone who enjoys structure—I have lived my entire life based off of having a framework, some sense of order and deadlines and due dates. And to be honest, I love it.
It works for me.
It works with me.
It just plain works.
Pre-Race I learned to structure my life in order to not drown in it. I’ve talked about my battles with depression and anxiety in previous blogs, and a lot of the ways that I handled it was with structure. If I had to get out of bed to do something, I would force myself out of bed. If I was anxious about something, I would have a deadline to get it done by and then I would tell myself “one-two-three, okay now go do it;” which led to one of the phrases I joked about a lot with my first team—”you just need 30 seconds of courage to get it started.”
Which was loosely taken from the Benjamin Mee quote from We Bought a Zoo, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
Yeah my quote wasn’t exact, but it got the same point across.
Regardless, this month is not structured.
And I am struggling.
Heck, I even have ministry that I felt God call me to work on this month that I’m passionate about and I find fascinating, and I’m still struggling to do it.
Now don’t get me wrong.
There are lots of things about this month that I am enjoying, freedom to hangout with my entire squad is one of those many things.
I’m just struggling with motivation. And that sucks, but sometimes mind over matter has to come into play and I just have to pull myself up by my britches and just hunker down and do it.
Here are two pictures from the thing I am enjoying most about this month. I had people over to my apartment where we watched I Can Only Imagine yesterday afternoon, so this is all of us watching it.
Prayer Requests:
- For my motivation
- For a childhood friend who is currently in a coma from an accident earlier this week
