So today, my shift got cut at work(for the first time since I started working there) so I decided I would do my normal day off routine. COFFEE SHOP. After seeing a couple friends there, the anxiety started to fill my brain about fundraising. It’s all I can think about now! I could have gone to hang out with some friends tonight but for the first time probably ever, I wasn’t feeling it. I honestly think God just wanted me to spend some time with Him and also by myself. I ate dinner by myself, went into a sports store to get a couple things for the trip, and went into Dollar General to find hot chocolate(they were out). As I get back home, God puts on my heart to write this blog. I was like “but I don’t know what to write about”. He told me just to write how I’ve been feeling. Then I said “I don’t have a title for it”. He told me to title it “I’m out of Control”…
The last few days have been anxiety filled. As we hit the three week mark until our $10,000 deadline yesterday, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed as I am still about $4,000 from that goal. I’ve been spending time with God, praying and just talking to Him about how I feel. Mostly trying to convince myself that I am okay with cutting it this close. But I’m not. I am freaking out! I’m starting to question what will happen if I don’t make this goal? I don’t really have an answer to that question right now. But instead of wondering what will happen, I am continuously reminding myself that I am not the one in control of this. Yes, I can put in work and post to social media a gazillion times but God is still in control of who He prompts to give. No algorithm on Facebook or Instagram could stop Him from showing one of my posts to someone and convicting them to give.
So here I am, honestly telling you that I feel so out of control of what is going on right now. I control my actions, my attitude, and whom I trust. Other than that, I have no control over anything! Whoa, that’s scary to say! I can’t think of too many instances where I have felt out of control so this is new to me. I want to control this fundraising thing so bad! I want to hold my idea of what it should look like and the timeline in which all the money would be in so tightly in my hand. I think sometimes I forget what God has already done. I mean look at it! I can tell story over and over about how God has come through for me at the exact moment He needed to. My first fundraising goal, my second fitness hike, getting the OK from my parents to start fundraising minutes before talking to my admission advisor. I mean this should be enough for me not to doubt right? Sometimes it is more than enough! Then other times, I see that post on Facebook from someone who has already surpassed their goal. I start questioning God as to why it couldn’t be like that for me! Why couldn’t I already be that far along my fundraising journey? Well, God puts mountains in front of us to show other people it can be moved. So I think God is going to do something so big in these next three weeks. I’m over the moon excited to see this happen! The low times are growing my faith. God is teaching me to really rely on Him to make this happen. He is wanting all the glory! I pray I have not taken any glory for any of this. He is the one sending me, strengthening me, and carrying me. This is Him working through me.
I hope that where ever this blog finds you, God is speaking to you! He wants you to let go control of whatever is keeping you from drawing near to Him. The thing that is stressing you out, does not stress God out! So just give it over to Him and enjoy just being with Him. I would like to say a prayer for you so if you want to screenshot it and keep it as a reminder, please do. Also feel free to reach out to me if you need more personal prayer, a conversation or just want to say hey. Thank you for reading this!
Love,
Bethany
Jesus, thank You for what You are doing today. Thank You for dying on the cross for our sins and thank You for using me to spread Your love throughout the nations. I lift up every single person that reads this. I pray blessings, Your wisdom and guidance, and peace over them and their families. I pray that You would help them give up control over the things they cannot control. I pray that they surrender that at Your feet, Lord. I pray they would find freedom in laying these burdens down to You. I pray a hedge of protection over them, their families and their homes. Lastly, thank you God for the people that are reading this.
In Jesus’ Precious name,
Amen
