~Pinterest~
“Wherever you are, be all there.” -Jim Elliot
Have you ever noticed how life feels different when you look back on it than when you are actually experiencing it?
Somehow, life experiences often seem harder in the moment than they do in retrospect. As if the moment itself doesn’t carry the nostalgia of the past or the possibilities of the future, reminding us of the stark reality of how frustrating daily life can be.
But with time, our recollections often become noticeably sweeter. For me, I have what feels like a video reel of memories that run through my mind when I reflect on the past.
My recollection of my college self is carefree, relishing in the memories of those days where things like UV rays, calories, and crazy whimsical decisions never catch up with you. I smile when I think about my 20 year old self, my head thrown back in laughter and my arm around the boy I loved through those formative college years.
In my mind, I see college football games with giant turkey legs and cheap beer, and the feeling of being tossed in the air by the boys when our team scored. I taste the salt clinging to my lips while fishing and diving off of boats, I feel hugs and high fives from classmates as we celebrate passing nursing exams, and I hear Old Crow Medicine Show “Wagon Wheel” playing over the sound of mindless banter among friends in hole-in-the-wall bars.
~Getting tossed in the air at a Virginia Tech football game after a touchdown~
I think of myself at 23, when I finally had a real income and realized this “responsible adult” thing actually had some pretty sweet perks. I was a girl that was not quite comfortable with the idea of being “grown up”, yet loved the opportunity to figure out who she was and how God would use her life.
A sort of gentle self-embrace enters my mind when I recall that fragile time. Slowly, I was caring significantly more about living as a follower of Christ, taking my faith more seriously. I spent more time seeking God and less time wanting to go out on the town, while still enjoying harmless antics as I tried to figure out how to exist in that young adult limbo land.
And of course, the ultimate “quarter life crisis” experience of the World Race. I recall that chapter of my life with a sort of humble disbelief that God ever blessed me with such an adventure into His heart and the world.
~Summer beach memories, and out for my sister’s 25th birthday~
Memories flash through my mind that almost feel like they can’t possibly belong to me.
Dancing in the rain with little Cambodian children, swinging them around as their little brown faces glow with laughter. The sound of African church services, lively with passionate worship and women dancing, the fabric of their brightly colored dresses popping out in my mind.
The feel of the 100 degree heat on my face as I ride in the back of a pick up truck through rural Nicaragua, my hands still sticky from the mango I climbed a tree to pick and eat moments before jumping in the truck. Incense and curry waft by my nose when India comes to mind, the place where special needs orphans stole my heart.
~The orphanage I worked at in India; Ugandan children worship, photo by Justin Marshall July 2012~
But when I really look at the nitty gritty of this collection, I recall moments being hard, frustrating, and just generally un-glamorous when it was all actually happening.
Nursing school had tears of stress and doubt, as well as emotionally intense moments in both friendships and family. Moments that gave me knots in my stomach, causing sadness and frustration that made everything seem grim.
Beginning my career carried the stress of caring for the lives of critically ill people, and I frequently had to pray and focus on my breathing just to get through the workday. Being 23 also carried the beginning of what I hope proves to be the worst heartache I ever have to suffer. Crying to the point of nearly vomiting is not a fond memory.
The Race is no exception. Times when I was too sweaty to even sleep, too hurt by those around me to even speak, too overwhelmed with ministry expectations to serve with love, and too exhausted from days of travel to even notice the new country passing by the bus window.
~Pinterest~
Luckily, the hard or frustrating times do not outweigh the good for me in the process of creating my memory reel. I am blessed to say that the vast majority of my memories in life bring nostalgic smiles to my face.
But what if we never had to wait for later to have that perspective on life? What if we didn’t approach opportunities with the idea of “making memories”, and just absorbed the moment as it happened?
I recently realized that one of my personal goals in life is to learn to experience things in the very moment that they happen with the same warmth and appreciation with which I will recall them later.
A life where every friendship, every belly laugh, every daring adventure, every cozy evening, every new flavor, and every other new experience will carry a preciousness that I refuse to let pass me by, only to later realize how sweet it was.
Month five, my final month of squad leading, has brought me to the deservedly popular travel destination of Ecuador.
The historic district of Old Town Quito has beautiful architectural details and colorful South American charm, with sporadic street performances in the various town squares and cobblestone street intersections. Hard boiled quail eggs are a new favorite protein source at 10 for a dollar from street vendors, and the hostels here include actual towels.
~Pinterest photo of Old Town Quito, a few blocks from our hostel; straddling the equator, old and new leaders~
My focus this month is in training our three raised up squad leaders to be prepared for the relational, spiritual, and logistical challenges that they will have for the remaining six months of the Race.
Our divinely appointed and uniquely capable leaders, Kate, Megan, and Jonny, are observing the way Sam and I navigate our role. Splitting our time between participating in various ministries with our teams and spending time away from the squad to do more intensive discussion and training will hopefully accomplish this goal.
So for the remaining three weeks of my time as a World Race squad leader, I am going to insist on loving the moment I am living in as much as the memory it will eventually create.
Our ministry house, with 35 or more people, is a place filled with laughter and coziness on cold, rainy evenings. Everything from watching movies to getting ready for bed is more memorable in this environment.
Street vendors offer a delicious empanada for a 50 cent meal. Spanish miscommunications are usually hilarious and always an adventure.
Late-night card games and shared snacks create a friendsip bond that is hard to find at this phase in life. Trips to sought after hot springs, waterfalls, and rain forests are on the horizon.
And my personal favorite, people who talk about, worship, and live for Jesus every day are frequently overheard sharing about our common purpose in life.
~Making the most of my last few weeks with Y squad!~
I realize that this lesson of loving the moment will probably be much more easily applied here in the land of endless adventure and constant stimuli than in the routine day-to-day of life in the States.
But I truly believe that this could become one of life’s most precious lessons, so this is me asking for accountability on days when I am not living in the moment.
Challenge yourself to see how you might reflect back on the season you are currently in, and see if you start to see more sweetness within it than meets the eye.
Hope to see you all in a little under a month!
