IT ALL BEGINS!
One week from today….
- Despite all of the preparations–REI runs and shots and driving across the country and meeting deadlines and cramming a year’s worth of equipment and clothing into my too small pack—I will still feel unprepared. But I am trusting that the Lord has my back, regardless of whether or not I packed enough underwear or bought the right malaria medicine.
- I will forgo my usual ridiculous New Year’s resolutions—quit popping my knuckles, take my vitamins, stop procrastinating, get out of debt, lose a few lbs, drink less, call old friends more. In 2012 my resolution will be simple: share the Gospel with as many people as possible all over the world. Sure, I also want to work on my patience, read the entire Bible, learn how to use my Macbook and how to pray better, but ultimately my resolution is to share the Word of God and the name Jesus to those who may never have heard it before.
- The goodbyes will be over. I will be thankful for the friends I was able to see, for lunch dates with coworkers and cousins, going away parties, late night talks with my mom and kisses from my grandmas and my Godson. I will have had one final date with Caleb, night spent laughing with my best friend and most likely a teary eyed goodbye with my family at the Kansas City airport. And I’ll probably feel guilty for all of the people I didn’t get to see. Please know that I love each and every one of you—my family and friends and supporters—and I’m sorry if I didn’t give you a proper goodbye. Coffee date in 11 months?
- Reality as I know it will change. I will board my one-way flight and leave behind my cell phone, my favorite shoes, my car, my comfy bed, a closet full of clothes, a big-girl job, a normal schedule, the USD (ok so I get to keep that for the first month, thank you El Salvador), and other general luxuries of the American lifestyle, such as ice, good hospitals, knowing where my next meal will come from, clean drinking water and paved roads.
I say that I’m prepared, and that my faith is strong enough and that I’m ready for the lessons God is going to teach me and the way He’ll stretch me. But secretly I’m scared s*#%less that I’ll have a breakdown if I go more than a week without talking to my parents, taking a shower or eating anything other than beans and rice. Or that I’ll yell at the bus driver if he won’t stop for me to pee, or at my teammates for snoring or at my camera if it stops working. That I’ll cry if I can’t find Diet Coke, or the Internet is slow or if there’s bugs in my tent. What if I pout if we don’t get to go to the beach on the weekends? Or get my team lost? How will I be able to handle the language barrier and having zero personal space? What if someone I love gets sick or gets married or dies or has a baby and I have to miss it?
I’m trying to be brave, but I’m a little freaked out. But maybe that IS the lesson God is going to teach me. That it’s easy to love Him when things are good. But when things are hard, really hard, is when He can really show up. My prayer is that in these moments He will mold my character to make me more Christ-like, and less spoiled American brat-like. And that my teammates will be patient with me, and call me into greatness, even, especially, in my ugly moments.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
