There it was: a shifted focus, a burning desire, a restless heart, and an unsettled spirit.
As I set my focus back on the straight and narrow, characteristics of my personality began to unravel out of the darkness. I had neglected who I was and failed to remember the fact that my identity is found in Christ alone. Along with the resurfacing of this truth, came the restless heart.
There I was: at a crossroads, needing to make a decision about my life.
On one road stands the University of Arkansas Master’s of Public Health program and on the other stands the World Race. As I started seeking God’s desire for my life, I kept seeing one particular vision over and over. It was me, standing in this open, desolate and barren field. There was nothing there. No signs, no trees, no direction. I’m just standing there without any inclination of which direction is north and every view for 360 degrees looks identical. The scripture of Psalm 16:9 is echoing throughout this field:
“A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.”
Over the next month, the vision was constantly emerging and each time I prayerfully asked which direction to go. Yet, each time I was left without an answer. After a month and some days passed, I was completely frustrated by this vision and with God. Then the vision appeared again. I had had it.
“Yeah God, I get it! What more do you want from me? I’m seeking you, I’m asking you for direction, and I’m completely open to your answers. You are the one not giving me an answer.”
Then He spoke. “Are you done?”
“No, actually I’m not. I’m standing in the field. For the first time I haven’t selfishly chosen my own path and I’m waiting on you to direct it so which way is it?”
He spoke again. “Before I can direct your step, you have to take one. If you just stand there, I can’t direct anything.”
“Ooooh. Touché. Well said. Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.”
There it was: a direction, an answer.
God doesn’t require a poetic prayer. He simply asks for our sincere hearts and a willingness to step. Now, fast forward a few months and here I am preparing, blogging, and fundraising like crazy to begin this adventure He established. With the new year, I continue to seek His will and He continues to be faithful. Confirmation of this journey came to me last Sunday through a new vision. I’m back in that desolate field. But this time I’m walking. I have direction and I’m headed straight for the edge of the horizon. I have no idea what’s up ahead but I continue to get closer. I can’t see it yet, but I know in time I’ll be seeing just what’s over that ledge and what the Father has in store.
My life is not at all what I envisioned it would be 10 years ago, let alone 6 months ago. In fact, it’s probably completely opposite than the plans I had made for myself. Yet, it is by far, more beautiful and more adventurous than I ever imagined. God has shown me that in order to truly live, we must take all of the dreams and expectations we have for our life and lay them at the feet of Jesus. When we do, we allow Him to move and create for us a life that not even the most amazing moments we dreamt of can compete with.
By His Grace,
Bethany
