I’ve been thinking about how I can portray these last 4 days and all that God has been speaking. I want to express the challenges and the emotions that have been completely wrecking me. God has a funny way of teaching us things. And it surprises me again and again when I am in a hard situation, that this is what I asked for. I don’t know about you, but I don’t learn the easy way very often. I learn the most when it is hard and even seemingly unbearable. My favorite times end up being the times when I am most challenged and uncomfortable. I think that I had forgotten that, after four months of getting accustomed to my comfort again. And although I asked for the hard stuff, I don’t think I remembered just how hard it could be. It’s so much easier to just stay comfortable. It’s so much easier to choose out of the stuff that pushes you and stay in a place that is familiar and routine. But without the hard stuff, without the fight, there is no growth and no strength.
Tuesday morning we were set to leave for the jungle. All we knew of the small jungle town of Higuerones was that it was a 2 hour car ride and then about 3 hours on a mule or walking. We knew that living in the jungle would be pretty rough with a little bit of mud and a lot of mosquitoes. So we prepared as best we could. We bought rain boots and bug spray. Morning turned into afternoon, and we eventually left the city of El Carmen around 5pm. By the time we started to ‘walk’ it was about 8pm and completely dark. There were 3 mules to carry the bags and so we all walked.
The only way to effectively hike this trail was to harness your focus and judge every step. Every time I wanted to give up, I had to push myself to stay focused and watch where I was stepping so that I didn’t get stuck. I would have to stop every so often to look ahead a few steps, looking for the higher ground and the solid places to step. I literally felt my body and my spirit being disciplined in a way I had never experienced. There were many times that I wanted to just walk and not think about it! I just wanted to get to our destination! I was tired and hungry and physically drained. I didn’t feel like I had to the energy or the ability to be so aware and focused mentality. But every time I persevered, I was one step closer. Every time I chose to discipline my mind and my body, I found solid places to take a step and avoided getting stuck in the mud.
The scripture about God taking me from the miry clay and setting my feet upon the rock has never been more real to me. When you’re stuck in the mud, you are spending all your energy and all your strength to get free, but nothing happens! You literally flail about trying everything, and you get nowhere. You just get more stuck!
When my body and energy was way past empty, I saw a huge steep hill ahead of me and heard the sound of a generator. I knew I was close and could actually envision myself making it to the house! It was now 2am and waiting for us were bucket showers and rice to eat!
It wasn’t until the next day that we could see how beautiful the jungle was.
The Lord was so faithful and carried us through on his strength. He showed me how to persevere in such a literal way. He showed me that vision gives pain a purpose. He showed me AGAIN how to live by faith and not by sight. He showed me that nothing is impossible for him. And he showed me that there is no pit too deep, no mud so thick that he cannot pull me out of. When I think about what I have fought for in my life and what I am still fighting for, I realize that this journey gave me hope. Even when I want to give up and it all feels useless, HE IS FAITHFUL! Oh, so faithful.
“…he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion” Philippians 1:6
“he who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord you labor is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians 15:58
