Change. I hear that word and think, “oh, no.” It recalls memories of relocating. New house (sometimes the same town, but different neighborhoods), new church, new phase of life, etc. No more back yards that open to rose gardens atop a hill where rolling clouds seemed to bring whispers from God. No more sitting in the second row with your three best friends, singing a verse ahead of the congregation to be funny. No more driving to high school or walking across ENC’s campus, no more homework assignments or Summer Ministry.
It wasn’t all bad. Just…bittersweet. Change is fickle. There are times when I couldn’t wait for change. Leaving for college was a change that I anticipated with joy. But then there are always changes that you aren’t ready for. After ENC I went to Vancouver for an internship. My heart longed to be back in Boston; I was struggling with going back to PA because it no longer felt like my home. God taught me that following Christ meant giving up my claim to have one place permanently be “home”; he told me my home needed to be in him instead of a place.
Coming back to PA from Vancouver was full of challenges. It felt like I had to rebuild my life; many friends from high school had moved away which left me feeling alone, job hunting was torture, and I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. But eventually life settled. I met regularly with my mentor, reconnected with friends in the area, made some new friends, got a job, and began volunteering at church. Then God threw a wrench in the quiet life I had begun to lead. The World Race.
Change. Again.
He stirred my memory and heart.
I am your home. Down any road, at any cost.
That’s how I got here.
The World Race is intense. Each month we move to a new country and ministry nothing stays the same for long. Yet it is funny how in all the change, the new cultures, currencies, & languages there is consistency. We arrive and depart like clockwork. It’s month 7 and as a squad we all know the drill. Somehow the World Race has made change normal, at times even comfortable. If you are struggling with a ministry then you can count on the end of the month bringing a time of travel, rest, and a new/different ministry.
Accurately describing how much each of the Worthy Warriors mean to me is near impossible. We lived life together 24/7 for 4 whole months. We know each others quirks, strengths, past hurts/triggers… They are an amazing group of ladies who love to laugh and have fun. They all love Jesus so much that they left behind their family, jobs, & potential opportunities to intentionally serve the Lord in tangible ways for a year.
Up until the new team reveal session I still held a kernel of hope that Worthy Warriors would be an exception to the rule. Then it finally hit: the odds were against us, and my heart was not ready to leave the safety and trustworthiness of the Worthy Warriors. We were given a folded piece of paper with the names of our new team members and asked to pray & sit with the Lord before looking at the names. Through tears I put in headphones & listened to “Oceans”.
“You called me out upon the waters. The great unknown, where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep, my faith will stand….”
Papa, I know you called me here. But I’m not ready for this…
“And I will call upon your Name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace, for I am yours and you are mine”
I don’t understand. Worthy Warriors are my family, we work well together…why change a good thing??
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”
Ok. I knew saying yes to the World Race meant being pushed out of my comfort zone…wherever you lead I will follow…it just hurts to leave such close friends and start over…
After opening the paper I found that Desiree and Kelsey Robertson were still with me which was comforting. Yet the change still stung. Tears still flowed freely from my eyes as I hugged my new team members and made sure they new that I was happy to be on a team with them…but it was really, really heartbreaking to leave my old team.
The rest of that debrief was celebrating our time as Worthy Warriors and figuring out new team names, norms, and getting to know each other better. Then we left for ministry as a new team, Tango Charlie Juliet. We used the NATO phonetic alphabet to reference our desire to be unified (we were two equal parts of old teams put together to make a new one), have courage, and be joyful. T stands for Téreó which means “to guard and to keep” (from Ephesians 4:3). We wanted to guard and keep each other with the unity of the Holy Spirit as we seek him and pursue his courage (C) and joy (J).
Well Month 5…we worked together, but honestly missed the whole unity part of our goal. There were times when we felt like a team, but mostly everyone went through major bouts with loneliness and we did not come together as a team to dispel the lies of the enemy. When we began being honest with each other at our Leadership Development Weekend that is when we really started to become a team.
Month 6 TCJ grew leaps and bounds. We were more intentional with each other and opened up by sharing our testimonies. The beginning of Myanmar was rocky, most of us got sick and we weren’t 100% sure what our ministry was going to look like. After we talked and prayed about it we saw how our attitudes changed and the Lord took control of the month. I am so thankful for the beginning because even though it was difficult being sick and feeling like we were in limbo God used that confusion as a catalyst for growth.
For my next blog I will be answering YOUR questions!!! Email your questions to: [email protected] by February 20th & be on the look out for the blog!
