I've been avoiding blogging lately. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to sort out the level of intense emotions I experienced this past week at training camp.
On Saturday the 13th I got on a plane to fly to Atlanta Georgia. I was tired from waking up so early in the morning, and I was a ball of nerves not knowing what to expect. Going into training camp we were given a packing list, and told to come with no expectations.
Here is what I expected…. and was TOLD to expect.
I would cry.I would be frustrated. I would question who I was. I would get my buttons pushed. I would be dirty and smelly.
But I was also told…
I would dance. I would laugh. I would form meaningful relationships. I would worship. I would experience Jesus.
Well, they weren't lying. Every single one of these things happened and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
I'm still processing what happened to me this past week. I'm still putting the pieces together in my head, and figuring out how to express the emotions that I'm feeling. I appreciate your prayer and patience while I figure it all out. Although I can't tell you everything just yet…. here are 11 things I CAN tell you…
1. I can now take down my tent and pack all my things in less than 10 minutes. Every morning we had to pack everything up before our morning exercise….. so yes, I'm almost a pro now!
2. I LOVE not knowing what time it is. During training camp they never gave us a schedule. We never knew what was coming next and this control freak learned to love it. We didn't know what we were doing until we were doing it. I learned to live in the moment and be fully present in what I was doing that very second. Not having my phone to tell me what time it was, and connect me with the outside world allowed me to invest 100% in people and have awesome conversations at all times of the day.
3. I experienced spiritual warfare at a whole new level this week. It's real. It's scary. The enemy is certainly not happy with the world that World Racers are doing, and he's doing everything in his power to step in our way. Imagine a place filled with 200 world racers for an entire week learning about Jesus. You can bet the enemy was present.
4. I saw Jesus more this week than I ever have in my life. I felt so far away from him, but I knew he was there. He's still doing work in me, and I'm holding on for dear life. I'm not letting go.
5. I felt what true love feels like. But really! I'm so madly in love with my U squad and could not feel any more blessed to travel with such amazing people. I have a new family…. forever.
6. I learned that I don't always have to be strong and hold my feelings inside. It's okay to cry.
7. I'm loved. I'm loved and accepted by my squad and my team. I've never felt more loved and accepted. I don't have to 'try' to be someone else. They love the crazy, spontaneous, fun, and emotional me. I'm learning to embrace it.
8. I'm done categorizing men and putting them in the same box. The 9 guys on my squad have completely blown me away. I'm honored to spend the next 11 months with them as my brothers in Christ.
9. I'm learning that showering daily, wearing makeup, and wearing cute clothes does NOT make me beautiful. I'm learning to love myself….. smelly, dirty, and all!
10. I don't 'need' all this 'stuff.' I'm learning to live simply so others can simply live. I'm living out of a backpack for a year. Whatever I can fit in there is all I really truly 'need.' What a freeing feeling….
11. I'm stronger than I think I am. This week at training gave me a glimpse of the growth that I will experience this year. I'm overjoyed and so ready.
Thank you for your love, support, and friendship. You are my home, my comfort, and the reason I am who I am. You are my roots. No matter where I fly…. my roots will always bring me home. <3
more to come. stay tuned!
