The Nitty Gritty on the Race

When people hear that you are going to travel the world doing missions, they seem to get a glamorous picture of what it will look like.  They imagine you holding orphans and seeing amazing places, but they never imagine the hard stuff.
 
So here is the hard stuff.
 

The Race is a lonely place:
When I left for the race I had plenty of friends who were supportive and encouraging.  But after month two, and three, and four, the number of friends that I heard from dwindled down to about one or two.  It is as if my closest friends have forgotten that I am alive for 11 months.  And for some reason it is up to me to make the initiative and try to contact them.  I am lucky to get internet or time in my day when they are awake to contact them, but somehow they can’t make time to drop a line and say “hey I am thinking about you.”  I have realized that doing missions overseas possibly means being alone or feeling lonely. It means that God is the only true friend that will be there to listen and talk to 100% of the time.
 

The Race means missing big occasions:
On my race I have had two cousins get married, two friends get married, one cousin have her baby, close friends graduate college, my brother graduate High School, and my sister think about getting engaged and start planning her wedding.  Also other friends have gotten new boyfriends, engaged, new jobs, and pregnant.  It is hard because sometimes I feel like I am missing out on significant moments in people’s lives. But then I realize that people have missed out on significant moments in my life as well; The day that 30 prisoners got saved.  The day I preached the gospel to a family in Africa and they got saved. The day I decided to do ministry full time.
 

The Race means no alone time:
You are with people 24/7.  At first this seems awesome because you need someone to talk to about this new adventure as a missionary.  But once you get used to living overseas, all you need is to be ALONE!  Your sanity now relies on earphones and earplugs.  You can’t talk a walk without having to have one other person.  You can’t read your Bible without the other person blaring their worship music.
 

The Race means loving people:
This at first seems really easy and you might get a nice bubbly feeling when you think about love.  Sorry to pop your bubble, but love is hard. Especially when you don’t initially click or “like” the person.  I have realized that there are many personalities, giftings, and people in the body of Christ and you have to learn to love. I have learned to get over my flesh that wants to seclude myself from those people and instead put out my hand and introduce myself.
 

The Race means group decisions:
In America I could go where I wanted, do what I wanted, say what I wanted, anytime I wanted.  Whatever I felt like doing I could do.  But on the race everything is a group decision.  You decide as a group what to do on free days, when to work out together, when to have a Bible study, when to have internet, when to eat dinner, and even when is best to take showers.  This has been humbling for me. I have realized that is not all about me, but I need to consider others in the decisions I make.  But sometimes this is hard. It is no longer about what you want, but now about what they want.

 
The Race means not being there:
While on the race my family has gone through things. Hard times. Times that I wanted to be there to listen, talk, hug, cry, and to understand.  But instead I see things unfolding from half way across the world.  I hear hurts and struggles through a screen.  I see my little sister grow up and feel misunderstood, but I cannot truly be there for her right now. I cannot be the older sister that she needs to spend time with her and take her to the store or spend the night with.  I can’t reach through the screen and hug my Mom when I know things are too much for her to handle.  Sometimes I can’t even make the phone call needed to make sure they are okay or tell them that I love and miss them.

 
The Race means awkward moments:
Yes there are a lot of awkward moments on the race.  There are moments where you are sitting in a truck and a small child decides to puke on you five times.  There are times when a lady puts her hand around your shoulder, starts playing with your hair, and talking to you in a foreign language.  There are times when your ministry host looks at you and tells you to share your testimony or preach the gospel on the spot.  There are times when you hate the food that is put in front of you and you have to find a way to swallow it and smile.
 

The Race means dying daily:
This is one of the biggest things that I have learned on the race.  I realize now that I used to think I was a big shot. I used to think that I was a great leader or great musician.  It was all about me.  I always wanted attention from people for the things I was good at.  But I have learned that it is not about me.  Being a leader is not about me.  It is about serving and empowering others to become leaders. It is about discipleship, group decisions, patience, and love.  It is about calling out greatness in those that you are leading. It is about giving room for someone to step and lead in the areas God has gifted them.  Being a great musician is about God. God gave me this gift and I squandered it by trying to receive recognition and fame for myself.  I never was truly satisfied or making a difference with music because it was always about me.  But now God has begun to use me to bring Him glory and to impact lives through the gift He has given me.
 
 
Overall I have counted all these things as blessings because they have refined me and drawn me closer to my Father.  I have learned a deeper meaning of relying on Christ to be my strength, friend, shoulder, trust, and love I need. I wouldn’t ever trade all of this hard stuff in for the comfortable stuff of my past.  I am a different person now because of the hard stuff and I am never going back.
 
Forever changed baby!