Homosexuality or being gay in this country has become a huge debate. You have two sides, for or ?against?.? And the ones ?for? try so desperately to have their voices heard. They value their freedom of speech to let the world know what they believe. But when those who are against homosexuality make a peep, the whole world turns upside down. Somehow it is incorrect to have a difference of opinion. And those ?against? have to be publicized and criticized for an opinion while those ?for? are shown as courageous for speaking out.
This blog isn?t about being ?for? or ?against? homosexuality. My hope is not to sway an opinion, but to make a statement. I feel like not many people hear the other side of the story. We hear the stories of struggle and tears for those who finally decided to proclaim to the world their choice. But they don?t hear the families or loved ones who also have had to deal with the choice.
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I know that while my brother was growing up, my parents dreamed and even prayed about his future wife and family. So when the choice was made, dreams were changed and things they thought would happen, now won?t. I don?t think we should blame fathers and mothers for having dreams for their children. It is always difficult when someone chooses a path that maybe you didn?t want or think was best for them.
My brother?s choice affected them and my whole family. But that is what choices do; they affect those closest to you either for good or bad.
In my family we can see both sides of the spectrum, people that cannot accept or forgive him for who he?s decided be and what he is doing and those that can accept and love him.
We have the two reactions that take place. And sadly the reactions aren?t always good. It is sad to see choices destroy relationships. But both people make a choice. My brother wasn?t the only one to make a choice. My siblings have made a choice whether to love or to hate.
I look at my brother and I don?t see him as gay, instead I see him as someone that wants love, just like the rest of us. Everyone searches for love, whether it is in relationships, family, job, career, etc.? We are trying to make ourselves happy, whole, and satisfied.
I can relate to my brother?s choices. In college I got into a bad relationship for a year and half. My parents and family could not accept the man I was with. They didn?t like him and they didn?t want me to be with him. But it was my choice.
I thought that I loved him, so I stayed way past the time I should have. And when my parents wouldn?t accept him, I felt like they couldn?t accept me. I know that they just wanted what was best for me, but I had defined my identity in him and in the relationship that I felt that their non-acceptance was not only towards him, but also towards me. They let me know their opinions but I didn?t want to hear it and so in response I pushed them out of my life.
I see my brother going through a lot of the same things I went through. Searching for that love. Making choices that other people can?t accept or don?t understand. Feeling unaccepted because others can?t accept his choice. I am not saying that I understand what he is going through or has gone through, but I can relate a little.
My main focus with my brother is not to make him straight or change his mind. He knows that I don?t like his lifestyle. But that?s not the point.
Like I have said, my brother wants love. The truth is I love my brother and I accept him. Did I picture a different life for him or want different things for him, yes. But my opinion isn?t the most important thing for him to hear. Everyone has been through this, whether you made choices others couldn?t understand, or someone close to you did. If it was one of your friends, you were left in that awkward stage where you had to decide whether or not to give her/him advice or stay quite for fear of being pushed away for voicing your opinion.
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You see, I made choices that others couldn?t understand. I pushed my family and God away. But the whole time, all I wanted really was to be loved and accepted. Ultimately I found that in Christ.
That?s what my brother needs. You see, him being gay isn?t a lifestyle issue; it?s a heart issue.? I am not trying to fix my brother or change him, because really those are his choices to make.? My goal is to show him love.? The emptiness and things that he is searching for can be found in God.? God was the one that I finally found the love and acceptance I was searching for.
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At the end of the day the most important question isn?t if my brother is gay, its if my brother has a relationship with God. Because God is the only one that can truly give him the love and acceptance he is looking for.
Homosexuality is made out to be this huge sin or huge hush hush that is so bad! But homosexuality is no different from the choices you and I make everyday. I lie, it?s the same. I lust, it?s the same. I have chosen not to look at my brother out of self-righteousness that somehow my life choices aren?t as bad as his, or I am not as big a sinner as he is. Because the truth is, I am. I need Jesus just as much as he does. I don?t want to be like the Pharisees that stuck up their noses at the ?sinners? and thought that they were better, but missed out on Jesus. I want to be apart of the ?sinners? that encountered Jesus and were forever changed.
So how do I treat my brother? Easy, like my brother. I try to understand and relate to him and most of all I try to love him and show him that God loves him too.
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I don?t know what side of the story you can relate to, maybe you can relate to my brother or maybe you can relate to my family. Maybe you have made choices that others couldn?t understand or accept. Maybe you have been searching and trying everything possible to fill a void. Maybe you are full of un-forgiveness and bitterness towards someone that has made choices you can?t understand. Maybe you have been trying so hard to show people that they are sinning instead of showing them love.
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God loves you. Whether you are the un-accepted, unforgiving, bitter, hater, lover, believer, non-believer. He died for you so that you could know that He loves and accepts you!?At the end of the day remember that your opinion is not the most important thing.
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His love is the most important thing!
