I am over the race.

I’ve reached a point in the race that I did not see coming.  I am burnt out.  I had a day of ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and it caught me by surprise.
 
I think I have gotten to the place where I am over being thrown into crazy situations 24/7.
 
I am over being told what to do 24/7.
 
I am over being completely surrounded by people 24/7.
 
I am over miscommunications or no communications with contacts.
 
I am over constant stares and inappropriate behavior just because I am white.
 
I am over being uncomfortable. Not sleeping. Not eating normal food.
 
I am over trying to love people or prefer others.

I am over carrying a 40 lbs. backpack.
 
 

 
 
I came onto this trip because I knew that it was what God wanted me to do.  I knew that there was a reason and purpose for me being here.  But what was that reason?
 
I had forgotten my purpose in being here in Rwanda, let alone on the World Race.  Everything began to make me frustrated and annoyed.  I knew that this new person was not me because I am usually always joyful and laughing.
 
What had happened to me?  Why had 7 months of ministry made me so negative?

 
I knew that this was God refining me.
 
I finally got to the point where I could not do this race on my own strength anymore. I could not smile through awkward situations without His joy.  I could not love people I did not like without His love.  I could not wait on food, travel, or people without His patience.
 

Another thing I learned was sometimes I need to make room for me time.  I learned that it is okay to stay back from ministry and focus on your emotional and spiritual health just as much as it is to stay back for your physical health. I had been going strong for 7 months, but now I needed to learn how to rest.

 
Most of all I was reminded of my purpose for coming on this trip.  I wanted to be changed.  I wanted to experience God in a more real way.  I wanted to know what it meant to lose your life for Christ and pick up your cross daily to follow Him.
 
If picking up my cross means crucifying my daily frustrations then that is what I must do.
 

I need to remember that I must rely on Christ's strength, joy, patience, and love in order to finish this race strong. I am glad that I was brought to this point so that I could be reminded of my purpose and crucial dependency on Christ.
 
 
I want to look back on these 11 months and say: