Within two weeks, Victor has lost two people that he knew. One person was here on the World Race in 2012 and Victor was able to spend some time getting to know him. Victor tells me that Llamar was one of the most humble men he has ever met. Llamar Anderson passed away after jumping into a river in Germany with some of his friends. His body wasn’t found till three days later. The other person worked with Victor and the Canadians teams. Mauricio drove for the Canadian teams as they built houses in the poor communities here in El Salvador. He passed away suddenly in a car accident after losing control of the car during a rainstorm.
One thing I have realized is that death does not make sense.
Last week Victor and I went to the viewing of Mauricio in San Vicente. Here they do viewings a little differently. The family has the casket inside their house, they have a tent in front of their house with chairs set up, people come and sit outside their house for hours, the family gives the guest coffee, tamales, and bread, and usually someone preaches or speaks. I haven’t gotten used to this tradition. It seems strange to me to be in someone’s house while they are grieving. It seems strange to expect a family to provide food for 50+ people after losing their main provider. But I sit and respect the tradition. I see the grief and pain. And the pain I see reminds me of my own grief that never seems to go away.
Death has done a mark on me. I lived for so long without even thinking about death. I always thought I was invincible, untouchable. But death started to touch those around me, and I could no longer hold this facade. I could no longer pretend that death could not touch me.
One of the hardest things for me was losing one of my close friends so suddenly and not being able to attend her funeral. I felt like I skipped steps of the grieving process and I never really could get past the shock. I cannot comprehend God’s protection and yet the pain that still can touch us.
On the way home Victor and I talked about death. I expressed my fears of death. I am afraid of the pain and what it will feel like. As Christians, we don’t express this fear. At least I have never heard another Christian express this fear. And for me that makes me feel like maybe they still believe they are untouchable. Maybe they haven’t seen death and maybe they can still maintain their facade.
The unknown is scary no matter how you look at it. Faith means to believe without seeing. I’ve seen what death can do and the pain that it can cause. Death is no respecter of persons. He doesn’t care if you are Christian or atheist, black or white, rich or poor. Some of the strongest Christians have had to go through the most painful deaths. Sometimes I think I can regain my facade and pretend death is not there, but then another person dies and I am reminded that it is only a matter of time.
The question is how should we respond to death?
When we realize we are not invincible, how will we react?
Will this realization change how we live our lives?
There is hope in death, but it can only be sustained by having faith that through the unknown and unseen, there is someone who is faithful that knows and sees.
