I’m wrecked. But in the best way possible.
I’m not going to lie, Nicaragua was a little bit of a rough month for me spiritually. On the outside everything remained the same. But ever since my team was spiritually attacked the first night, my heart seemed to go numb. Not to the community or even to our ministry, but numb in the way where I stayed the same in my relationship with Christ. I wanted more but yet I became stagnant. It felt as if there was a barrier between me and who I wanted to be. Who God created me to be.
So I waited and waited for this barrier to be removed. Nothing happened.
I took it all the way to Africa and then it happened. I became wrecked in so many ways.
1. One of the first days we arrived in Rwanda I decided I wanted to play soccer with the kids on the street. So I went to the store and bought a little blow up soccer ball. I had no idea if the kids were even outside or if I would just be walking around aimlessly. I turned the corner of our little dirt street and a young girl (probably around 6 or 7) comes running into my arms as if we were long lost friends. Soon kids appeared out of nowhere and surrounded me with excitement. They showed me their favorite dirt patch to play soccer on and grabbed their friends along the way. We stayed there for hours and my heart was overflowing with joy. They taught me to enjoy the little things. To love unconditionally like Christ loves us.
2. The first Sunday service in Rwanda we were asked to preach. Just the day before I was telling my team how I would rather not and it’s kind of a fear of mine. Of course, God had other plans for me and I began to prepare a sermon. I spoke on brokenness and picking up our cross to follow Him daily. He once again pulled me out of my comfort zone and taught me to be unashamed of the gospel. To trust and lean on Him.
3. For the first week we have been going door to door preaching His name. At first it was awkward and we all expected to be rejected. Surprisingly, every place we have gone to (house or market) someone has accepted Christ or rededicated their life. These people are hungry for more. They are eager to learn, become disciples, and make disciples. They have opened my eyes to want more of Jesus. To not take His name for granted.
4. My team and I were asked to teach English to children and adults a few days a week. While this was a struggle to plan at first, we showed up knowing God had a plan greater than ours. We taught the children the alphabet, numbers, shapes, animals, and simple phrases. We taught the adults basic conversation words, how to get their way around, and bible verses. To our surprise, the numbers grew the second day. I began to realize how much I take learning for granted. The people here don’t have access to books and learning like we do. We often dread going to school and yet these children walk who-knows-how-far to come sit in our classroom. I’m blessed beyond measure for the education I received.
Through all of these things, the barrier has been slowly broken down. God has been working in my heart and stretching my comfort zone.
I’m wrecked. And it’s the most painful yet beautiful thing.
