I’ve struggled with publishing a blog about camp because there was SO MUCH… so many emotions.
So many magic moments. So much insecurity. So much raw emotion. So much joy. So much messiness. So much frustration. So much restoration. So much freedom.
And… a bit of confusion. A bit of disappointment.
It was all… Just… SO MUCH.
Training, by definition, means to work on “a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time.” I went into the week knowing that training for this Race would do what it claimed– train me for this life that I am about to embark upon. I had an idea of what to expect, yet at the same time I felt clueless. But I’m seeing that this is training not just for the race, but FOR LIFE.
I struggled with putting “pen to paper” because… how do you explain joy in brokenness?
How do you explain worship so raw and real that it makes you cry and dance like no one is watching?
How do you explain new levels of team building exercises that include magic carpet rides and plane crashes that leave teammates unconscious, mute, and unable to use their limbs?
How do you explain the chaos of an international market in the middle of Georgia with an incessant cacophany of sounds and scenes vying for my attention?
How do you explain the ridiculously deep level of love and affection that was felt between 45 vastly unique and different people that you knit together to form a family? Because that is indeed what you did, Lord. At training camp, you built a home for me. No, not a physical building to hang my hat in, or a bed to rest on, but through deep, Spirit-driven community you have formed a “home” for me!
Yet, the MOST exciting thing about training camp was the realization that this was just the beginning– a taste of what is to come IF my squad mates and I continue to choose to “get in the river” with you. I’m realizing that this entire year is one of training– learning how to do life as we are called to as believers, and as You intended the church to look like. Church isn’t a building, but a community of people; and home, I am beginning to realize, isn’t a physical place. I felt “at home” more than ever because in those Georgia woods I found refuge, respite, and refueling in you. I received this through worship, through prayer, and through words spoken over me by YOU through squad mates, team mates, World Race alums, and Adventures staff. The community was like the church described on the pages of Acts. It was a real, honest, edifying, and beautifully raw community. I’ve never felt such a level of community so quickly, and never have I watched and felt a community deepen so rapidly! I felt most “at home” because YOU were my center and my first priority. On this race, somedays I know I will lose sight of this “home”, as I become a victim to my circumstances. Yet more than any space or material items, your Word tells us that You are the Great Comforter. You are home because home is considered by many a place of comfort, a place of refuge, a place of respite, a place of refueling. And YOU satisfy more than any place or physical space.
So my physical home can be a tent, a hammock, an airport terminal, a bus… IF YOU are there too, and if I choose to see you in those places, because Your Word says you never leave us or forsake us. If I choose to let you dwell in these places with me, then I know complete JOY can be found in such circumstances! Such understanding allowed me to have pure joy in bucket showers, port-a-potties, red tutus, egg dishes for several meals in a row, numerous days in a row without a shower, hiking shorts and chacos, and a night on a bus with 44 other squad mates. My prayer is that I choose JOY in you daily, no matter the circumstances, and that choosing JOY during this vagabond year will enable me to plant and cultivate this attitude so that when I return to this physical place called home, JOYFUL I will continue to be, no matter what treasures on earth I may or may not have.
So, this year is about COMING HOME to you– choosing daily to see you as my home, dear Jesus. I want to go deep in the river with you, Lord, because I know it is in you where I will find rest. So help me to rise above uncomfortable circumstances, petty emotions, and the words that I have allowed to tear me down, and instead choose to see myself and all those I come in contact with the way you see us, Lord.
Blog readers , my prayer is that God grants you understanding despite words not being enough to describe this journey. And I must ask: have you ever felt at home in Him? I hope that if you have not, you will talk with our Father and travel this spiritual journey with me! Tell Him you want to go deeper, be willing to get uncomfortable with Him, and He will give you UNFATHOMABLE joy! Its a scary process, I know, but nothing worth much is easy to do! I pray that you will jump in the river with me!
