Flip side of our 16 hours in the USA.
Psalm 27:14
When I wait, You strengthen my heart.
The race is hard, especially with opportunities like 16 hour layovers in the USA.
I miss my people.
I am currently 3 hours and 2 minutes away from the good ole USA and a glorious 16 hour layover!
I’ll be honest, this World Race life, is not for the faint of heart. My heart and mind and more exhausted than they’ve ever been in my life. My emotional status mimics that of a upside down spin you around might make you vomit might not kind of roller coaster. I’ve cried 4 times today and that’s ok. Once when we boarded the plane in Nicaragua, then when I heard the english language being spoken all around me for the first time in two months in the Atlanta airport, on the phone with Kelly my BFF catching up on life, love and the daily, and now reading a letter from my sweet Paul.
We had a short 3 hour layover in Atlanta, just enough time for me to really soak in the realization of how close my people truly are. I was only an hour and a half from both my best friend and boyfriend and I didn’t see either of them! An hour and a half… 93 miles between Atlanta and Jacksonville.
Before I left, we had the conversation about potential layovers. I knew the decision to invite my people or not would be a hard one for me to make. This is 11 months recklessly fully frantically after the Lord and pursuing His will in my life. Part of this whole shebang for me is sacrifice, self control, obedience, and choosing Christ first.
Over the past day I’ve played out at least a dozen scenarios where my Kelly would magically be in the car with candy and netflix when Shannon came to pick us up in LA. I’ve also imagined getting off the plane heading to baggage claim and seeing him. Paul standing there with arms wide open, tears in his eyes and a huge sigh of relief that I still want him. And then I think, God… why didn’t we invite them? So many squad mates have friends flying in or driving cross country to spend this time with them.
16 hours in LA! It could happen!I haven’t asked, I didn’t ask, but I feel like if I did they both would have done everything short of robbing a bank to get here. God this hurts. I miss them so much. And I know that if I would have suggested it even in the slightest that they would have found a way.
And as I sit here nibbling on my complimentary airplane peanuts and drying up a few tears sneaking out this is what I think…. I think God wants me to want him the way I want them. Except He wants me to want Him more.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7)
(He wants me to “press in” #WorldRaceSayings) My father wants me to come to him first when I’m excited, anxious, down, hungry, and exhausted. He wants to comfort me first, He wants to console me and for the overwhelming peace I pray for to have no other arrow of glory pointing to anyone but Him.
And so the fact is, I didn’t invite or encourage my people to make the trek from Alabama to California.
I miss them terribly. #UnderstatementOfTheYear everything in me is mad at me for not begging them to get to LA as fast as they can… obedience is hard y’all. Choosing to grow and strengthen my reliance on The Lord, instead of relying on the comfort of my favorite people. This does not feel like the growth I thought I’d experience this year. I didn’t imagine it looking and feeling like this. I was thinking more along the lines of growing in my ability to serve the needs of the people in front of me. To brush lice out of children’s hair, pray over workers at the dump, share a bible story in Nicaraguan Sunday school, work in special needs schools, love and hold babies who don’t have mothers, and be able sit with the elderly for extended periods of time…. Don’t get me wrong, I am growing in these ways too. I just thought it would all look like that.
So this is where I’m at. I trust that God has a plan, that through this I’m showing myself that choosing God as my first source of comfort and peace will produce more fruit than choosing my own desires aka my BFF and Boyfriend. I’m saying ok God I know what I want, I know what You want, I obeyed I love you I choose you first and this is hard.
Peace and Blessings, Beth MIlam
#BethBeyondBorders #InTheWorldAsItIsInHeaven
Then I heard the voice of The Lord saying,
“whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. SEND ME!”
Isaiah 6:8
