strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in the Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
lovingly it's part of pain and pleasure,
I thought the hardest times to be away from home and family would be the holidays, the birthdays, the celebrations.
I was wrong.
Don’t get me wrong. They were hard. I look forward to each and every holiday I will have with them.
I missed seeing my niece blow out her candles on her 3rd birthday.
I missed taking all day to open Christmas presents with my family.
I missed waking up early for the Easter sunrise service.
I missed seeing my baby brother celebrate his 13th birthday.
I missed seeing my nephew rip open his birthday presents on his 2nd birthday.
Yes, those days were hard.
But the hardest times to be away from home are the days I find out sad news. The days I have friends and family who are struggling or suffering. It’s those days that I wish with all my heart I could be there for the friend who is suffering from depression, the family member who is facing a loss, or the loved one who just needs extra encouragement. It’s those days that I just want to jump on a plane to head home because my heart is breaking for them.
Several of those days came last month.
I found myself asking God “What are you doing?! I don’t understand what You’re doing. Why are You allowing this? Where are you in this? This wasn’t part of the plan.”
And He said, “Trust Me.”
Trust You?! But, God, I don't understand this! This doesn't make any sense!
In response, He started reminding me of all the things He has been faithful in, all the blessings He has given me:
Adding my miracle niece, Mira Joy, to our family.
Walking away from a totaled car unharmed.
Being fully funded in less than six months.
Sending just the money needed on exactly the right day for my brother, Micah’s, adoption.
Saving my brother, Nate, from pneumonia, so that he can be a witness for Him.
Bringing my sister-in-laws as the sisters I never had.
Brightening my day with pictures of my two adorable nephews, Auggie and Caed.
Giving me two incredibly supportive, loving parents.
Allowing me to spend a year sharing an apartment with my brother, Joel.
Creating an awesome bond with my brother, Matt.
Saved by His grace alone.
A hope and a future.
A reason to live. Life everlasting.
The list could go on and on.
The point is: I don’t understand why He allows this hurt. I may never understand it.
But I know He is good.
He has proven faithful. Even when I have been faithless, He is faithful.
His plan is better than my plans. He sees the big picture, when I only see a portion.
So, I will trust. I will trust in my good and faithful and loving God.
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.
