Her eyes

We walked into the huge church and were seated. I looked around, taking in my surroundings. Flags from around the world stood on the balcony. Red and purple flowers sat on the platform in the center of the room. Rows and rows of chairs lined the room. People started streaming in and taking their seats. And then I saw her.

The girl.

In her teens. Dressed in the latest fashion. Makeup done to perfection. Hair styled around her face. She looked just like any other teenage girl. As she turned and looked at me, I smiled. She smiled back and I almost turned away.

But then I saw her eyes.

Her eyes that were full of hopelessness and despair. Hopelessness and despair so deep I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. Hopelessness and despair so deep I felt it start sinking into me the longer I looked at her. A hopelessness and despair I haven’t seen in over two years.

She was young, tall, and beautiful. Her father was dignified. Her mother was crying. She showed no emotion. Hard as stone. Her face straight. No tears. No emotion until you looked into her eyes.

And there it was.

The hopelessness.

The despair.

The battle from within showed only in her eyes.

It was too hard. If she broke, she would never be able to give her baby up. So, with a face of stone, showing no emotion, she held her baby one last time.

Writing this today, my eyes fill with tears, hurting for this young mother, for the pain she must have felt, for her heart that was ripped apart, for the hopelessness and despair in her eyes.

But, on that day, my eyes filled with tears for a different reason. They were tears of joy and relief. You see, that baby who this young mother so lovingly gave up, is my niece. My niece that we had prayed for and cried for so much. My niece who I had loved on for a month in the orphanage before her mother saw her for the last time. My niece who I didn’t want to let out of my sight. My niece that I was privileged to spend every day with even before she was officially my niece.

So, that day was a day of joy, of excitement, of relief.

But in my joy, I forgot that there was someone else. Someone who was suffering. Someone who was hurting. I forgot the pain she was feeling. I forgot her hopelessness and despair.

Until tonight.

Tonight, the girl’s eyes brought me back to two years ago, to eyes that I had pushed out of my memory for so long. Nobody wants to see hopelessness and despair. It’s hard to watch. It’s hard to know what to say, or if we should even say anything at all. Most of the time, there’s nothing we can even do about it.

So, why God, did you allow me to see this?

I don’t honestly know why God chose this day or this hour or this girl. But I do know that He has opened my eyes to the pain others feel. I desire to see others through God’s eyes, to see their needs, to know how I can best pray for them and serve them. To know when I need to show extra grace. To know who just needs a hug or a smile or a listening ear.

God, give me eyes to see the needs of others. Give my eyes to see their grief, their despair, their pain, their hopelessness. Help me to comfort them in any way I can. Help me to serve them. Help me to pray for them. Give me wisdom and a heart that listens to You and what You would have me to do.