A view into my heart journey from Day 1. These are areas of my heart the Lord is still working on, so continue to lift me up as the Lord breaks and heals my heart, so He can use me.
- Love makes me brave because love CASTS OUT fear. I pray that the Lord would give me more love so that I find myself brave for His name.
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My heart is held captive by chains. An example that the Lord showed me is that performance is an area that I struggle with. I feel that if I perform or succeed at ___________ than I will receive praise, love, acceptance, approval, or whatever I seek. The Lord also showed me that perfectionism and pride are results of this performance mindset.
- Journeys are for becoming. This life is a journey, so I need to embrace becoming—continually abandoning things, releasing brokenness and seeking dependence on Him. I need to embrace that He will need to continue to refine me, which requires breaking me, even though this is painful.
- Abandonment. This is a tough area that the Lord revealed to my heart over camp, and even before I even thought of the race. I love control and don’t function well without knowing what’s coming—hence being a teacher is a great job for me (I design the day and what I teach). This mindset must be broken. My identity of “the one in control” is idolatry and doesn’t work within my relationship with Jesus. This issue has created a lack of trust with God’s provision and sovereignty. Pray that I continue to surrender and abandon my desire for control, trusting that He is perfect and He has more than I can imagine planned for my life.
- Freedom can be experienced. I experienced the Lord for the first time in the form of visions. As we discussed brokenness that needed to be released to God, I had a vision of a bird being released from a cage. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…” Would I continually release my brokenness to the Lord and experience the freedom as a uncaged bird would. As I release the brokenness before Him…praise, beauty, and gladness come to my heart.
Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”
- God speaks through community. We were challenged to do a partner walk with a buddy. At the end of the walk, Victoria said she envisioned gold. She said that God wants to refine me like gold must be refined. This refinement process will be painful and will take some time, but there is such beauty in the end because it is a precious element.
- God enjoys my presence. He enjoys that I find myself sitting at His feet, allowing Him to lavish His love on me. As Psalm 55 says, He hears me, answers me, saves me, and sustains me.
