This month has been focused on growing in resting and understanding my calling in life.
I served in the primary school this month. Jay and I taught phonics to a second grade class of 44 sweet children.
I then also worked one-on-one with Jaden, who is in the home school program at the mission. I helped him in his English skills (reading, vocabulary, writing).
On the last day of serving at the school, I prayed…God, this is so painful. Why do you have us do this each month? Why build neat relationships then rip those from our fingers? Why use me in my passions to then pull me right away? Why allow the relationships and trust to form to then just pull it away? I want to go home.
After releasing those emotions and thoughts to God, He gently responded with…I called you on this journey. And the call wasn’t for 5 months, but 11 months. I call you to love for the season I give, and sometimes that is only one day or one month, but I want you to love all that you can in the time given. You also have more to learn, in the remaining 6 months…I’m not finished with you yet. There is a beautiful lesson in each month of this journey. And yes, I am giving you opportunities to serve in your passions. I am refining you in that process—to serve with more love and a surrendered heart in the classroom, because they are my children and I give them hope, dreams and love. You, Beth, are only my vessel and mouthpiece. I am the changer of hearts. I am their Savior. I am their help.
Again, this month God reminded me that I am not a savior or a rescuer. He is. That is He job and He is the only one qualified for that position. I am blessed to be used by Him, but I only love out of the capacity I allow Him to pour into me. This is where my next growing pain comes in….I can only operate out of the capacity I allow Him to pour into me.
This month, especially near the end, I found myself operating out of my own strength…out of my own abilities. I couldn’t figure out why I was losing my patience or my diligence, until I took the time to sit and write some of my thoughts down. I realized that I was running on low fuel of Jesus. I was not taking time to rest…spiritually or socially. I was so surprised how much I loved watching Remember the Titans with two of my teammates. My heart was hungry for social time. Time to be friends with my team. Time to laugh and dance to the music. I loved the day some of the team spent hiking through the fields into the forest to a waterfall. I realized how much I miss exploring nature like I did in North Carolina.
As I wrote in my journal, I opened my heart to hear from the Lord. To allow His voice to speak to my heart. To give myself time to process all that happened this month and what all He was showing me. How He was refining my heart to look like Him. How He used me this month…in crazy ways that in my flesh wouldn’t have been possible. How hungry my heart is for His voice and presence. This month was beautiful in that He is increasing my yearning for His presence, whether that is quietly sitting before Him, journaling out thoughts or prayers, or watching a movie with friends. He also stretched my dependence on His direction and guidance in the classroom—submitting my hands and heart to His love each and every day as I serve His people. I look forward to how He is going to continue to stretch me in the following months—how He wants to refine and define my character to look more and more like His.
Prayers:
1. Lesotho! Our squad is the first squad to serve in this country—this is literally new territory for us. Pray for God’s guidance and sovereign hand to lead us in the ministry. Also, pray for more connections to be made in the country for future teams to serve there. Pray for our squad to have open hands—no expectations but obedient to what God has called us to do.
2. Rohi Weebles—my team! Aly, Victoria, Tori, Joy, Jen and Mercy. Pray for each of us! We desire to grow this next month—closer to Jesus and closer together. Pray for communication, cohesion, love, vulnerability, and fun. Joy and Jen are stepping into new leadership roles—and Aly and Mercy are stepping out of leadership roles. Pray for these transitions within the team as well.
3. His Voice to be evident in each of our hearts—for more discernment, for more love, and for more joy!
4. Rejuvenation—we are almost half way through the race!! (I can’t even believe it!) Pray that we would be renewed and refocused on His heart, His purpose and His desires for the next half of the journey!
I am so thankful for each of you! Your support in prayers is so needed and welcomed! Please continue to lift up Fusion Squad, Team Rohi Weebles and myself! Love!!
