3 days. I have 3 days left before I jump into my next chapter! How do I feel? Ready to jump. Am I really ready? No. Will I ever be? No.
But isn’t that what FAITH is all about? Jesus called His disciples to follow Him without a thing but what they had on them. And after packing…Jesus was a very wise man. Packing life into 2 bags is stressful and difficult.
The Lord has been speaking to me through a text the WR has shared with us called “Kingdom Journeys” by Seth Barnes. I want to share with you some insight I have learned over the past few days.
In this book, Seth discusses the process of a person’s “Spiritual Kingdom Journey” in 3 main parts: Abandonment, Brokenness and Dependence. I am currently reading about brokenness.
Pain. This isn’t a fun aspect of life, and is often not readily accepted by people. However, Seth states “people need pain to grow. So much of spiritually maturity has to do with how we process pain. Discipline entails embracing the painful or unpleasant in the short term in order to realize long-term gains.” Through the perspective and lens of the long-term, we can maintain our endurance in the trials because we realize His work is for our better and what we will look like in the end–refined, restored and renewed.
An aspect of dealing with the pain is leaving our old selves…”this is the harder part of abandonment: exposing and discarding the false self.” We don’t want to see that our old self is a false self. We don’t want to admit and change because maybe we fear what we don’t know or its too difficult to deal with the pain of the past. However, Jesus calls us to rid ourselves of the old self, so that we can put on the new self. You wouldn’t want to put on a brand new outfit over a dirty outfit…you would want to remove the dirty outfit and wash away the filth before you put on the new outfit. The process of removing and washing away the filth can be painful, because it must be exposed and dealt with (in healthy ways), and then discarding it can be just as painful (maybe the Lord asks us to cut ties with people, quit a job or sell something we enjoy).
However, when we find ourselves with less, we actually benefit (contrary to American belief). “Less is more on a kingdom journey. Less gets you to brokenness and dependence faster. Less allows God to reveal himself in weakness.” When we aren’t distracted by the things of this world (whether healthy, unhealthy, from God or not from God), the benefits outweigh the false comfort of having those items. In dealing with the pain, the past, the doubt, the fear, the control, fill in the blank…our tendency to lean into God should strengthen because our weakness is revealed. We realize how much we need Him because He is strong enough to carry our burdens, refine our hearts and cleanse us of our filth.
In the process of abandoning, the Lord will require us to die to our selves. This isn’t a physical death, but a spiritual death, but could have physical requirements in order to continue in the kingdom journey. “Death to self sometimes requires us to abandon safety, to leave comfort, to forsake wealth, status, and even relationship. But it also makes possible joy, peace, and love. This death allows us to become fully alive.” Shouldn’t we desire to be fully alive with joy, peace and love abounding? If our flesh and the enemy would just easily comply…life would be grand. But then again, this is where the FAITH comes in. Am I willing to choose, daily, to follow Him? To abandon my desires to pursue and obey His will and desires for my life?
The beautiful part of our kingdom journey is through the brokenness and abandonment that He calls us to, it all leads to a closer relationship with our Father. “Brokenness precedes intimacy…When we’re broken, we are drawn to God.” Just like horses need to be broken, so do we. Our Master and Father know that our brokenness is painful in the mean time, but produces great depths in our relationship with Him. Like the horse that is broken by his master, aspects of the relationship are developed that are needed in order for it to strengthen: trust, respect, honor, love, compassion, patience.
I am beyond excited for my kingdom journey to continue over the next year, even though I know this isn’t going to be the end…it’s just another piece of the puzzle that the Lord has planned for my life. I am ready to be unmade for the purpose of His glory. I anticipate pain and brokenness before me, but I am excited to see how my Father draws me to His presence and allows me to sit at His feet as He remakes, refines, and renews my heart.
“You can’t be remade until you first allow yourself to be unmade.”
