My brother and I have not always been close, in fact there was a time four years ago where it would probably be fair to say we had a love/hate relationship.
Love because we were family and he was my baby brother.
Hate because we just did not see eye to eye on anything.
With an age gap of five years Sam was still pretty immature when I headed off to university in 2007 and being away from each other just meant when I came home for the holidays we got on each others nerves.
Sam.
There was a lot of rivalry between us.
He hated that my bedroom was the en-suite loft conversion and his was the smallest room in the house; despite me spending ten months of the year at university.
He thought I was my parent’s favourite and always got what I wanted.
I thought my mum mothered him because he was the youngest.
My younger sister, Emily and I had always been close, but whilst I was at university, Sam and Emily became close, which I envied.
The irritation we both felt around each other heightened when it was just us two living at home with our parents.
Our relationship changed in August 2012 when Sam joined me in Ghana for four weeks.
It was all going great until we were halfway through our two week summer school in Santrokofi. We have a rule that volunteers cannot drink in Santrokofi because a lot of the problems in the village derive from alcohol. However a small group who were staying in a different building to those leading the trip decided they wanted to drink. The ones spearheading the drinking where my brother Sam, and the brother (Joe) and cousin (Callum) of the group leaders, because we were related to the boys they didn’t take us seriously.
I managed to get Sam out of the room where the other two were, thinking he would talk to me more rationally but it was the alcohol talking. We ended up on the staircase arguing – I told Sam he had to move into the house I was staying in, but he felt he was being unfairly victimised.
All of a sudden he was holding me up against the wall, now age is no factor in this, he is a lot stronger than me. He kept telling me to ‘lighten up’ and that I was being unfair on him. As I tried to get him off me so that I could breath properly I used the only defence I had – my legs, so I kicked him, he lost his balance slightly and stumbled down a flight of stairs. After this he reluctantly walked over to where I was sleeping and slept on the sofa.
We were both in the wrong
?He didn’t respect my authority in the situation, had disobeyed a rule the charity has out in place to protect our work in Santrokofi and tried to use his power to overcome me.
I shouldn’t have kicked him but in a moment of panic I had no idea how else I was going to get him off me.
I felt for sure our already rocky relationship was beyond repair and the next day I was on the phone to my mum in tears about Sam not listening to me and not being able to control him.
A week later we were on the Gold Coast in Ghana – we were staying in a tranquil place which was beautiful beyond description.
One evening we went out for a friend’s birthday and had a slap up meal but I got really sick almost immediately. We were in the middle of nowhere and to get back from the place we had eaten to our beach huts was a ten minute drive through a village followed by a 15 minute walk along the beach.
I was about 500 yards from my beach hut when I was violently sick. Whilst everyone else walked on Sam and my friend Danni stayed with me. Sam and I had hardly spoken since that night in Santrokofi but here he was holding my hair and rubbing my back. The next morning whilst everyone was relaxing on the beach Sam checked in on me every 30 minutes to make sure I was ok. He bought me plain bread and made sure that I was keeping hydrated.
Sam and me flying home from Ghana in 2012.
It was in that moment that God restored our relationship
He showed me that my brother did truly care about me despite our differences. Since August 2012 Sam and I have done a lot more things together. We started to exercise together, cook together, go to the movies together and in December 2014 just the two of us went to Ghana for 11 days – and we didn’t argue once!
Sam wrote me this note before I left on the race:
“We may not have always seen eye-to-eye in fact we have probably spent most of our time together arguing but I can say I have enjoyed the last three years much better and I will miss you.”
When I read this on the plane from London Heathrow to Chiang Mai I cried, it struck me again just how much God has done in my life to redeem my relationship with my brother.
Sam, I love you and I am so proud and thankful that you are my brother. Even though you are the youngest you do everything you can to protect your three older sisters – it is such an incredible quality to have.
Thank you for being you.
Happy belated 21st Birthday <3
Sam and Me just before I left on my race.
