I have spent hours staring at a blank screen trying to write this blog, I struggled to find the words. I asked myself where do I begin to explain what I saw this month and the emotions I felt. I am a big written processor – that is the journalist in me. But this month words don’t seem enough. They can’t even scratch the surface.
Last month I was feeling that maybe I had become slightly hardened by everything I had seen on the race, I mean I was heading into Month 10 and I have seen a lot over this year.
So I prayed:
“God soften my heart to the circumstances around me, give me your eyes and heart for the people I am ministering to”
Well let me tell you, He turned up in a BIG way!
Since the day I arrived in San Pedro, Ambergris Caye my eyes have been truly opened to the contrast that exists on this island. It breaks my heart.
As a sit in The Coffee Bar, the place that has become my safe haven this month, I stare out of the window and see paved roads, golf buggy’s, well kept buildings. But my heart lingers in the slums of San Mateo, the community we have been working in this month alongside Faith Bible Church, where raw sewage runs freely in ground water, houses are on stilts to avoid the flood water and wooden boards form bridges so people can reach their homes. The water levels are rising and flooding and sewage is a major health concern in this small community.
How is this fair?
It is not ok that San Mateo is the way it is because of broken promises from the government
It is not ok that among the flooding and sewage crocodiles live and rats scurry around.
It is not ok that there is a big contrast to the standard to living in San Pedro to San Mateo.
None of this is ok!
But God gave me his heart and eyes this month. He revealed the real and raw here on an island which is described as ‘paradise’. He let me see beyond the beaches and the ocean. He has broken and moulded me in ways he wouldn’t have otherwise been able to. This has been my hardest month on the race, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Satan has such a hold over this island and spiritual warfare is rife.
It is going to take me a long time to process this month because God is doing something special in my heart through this place. He is taking me deeper than my feet could ever wander, he is breaking my heart for what breaks his.
Make sure that when you pray those BIG BOLD prayers that you are ready for God to show up and take you somewhere you have never been before.
