I’m a huge fan of things I’m familiar with, like Relay for Life. That’s why I captain’d a team my freshman year of college – I’d been involved for four years at home. I was familiar with it (BUT that doesn’t mean I’m not passionate about it. I seriously love Relay..a hot ton).
That’s why I declared my major in English freshman year. I was familiar with it (and Lord knows I still am). I fell in love with it in high school and I’d always loved to read. I was generally “good” at it and felt like I could at least be semi-happy with it in college, but I didn’t think to the future.
That’s why I dislike banquets of any kind – especially work banquets. I don’t like recognition or tables of people that I don’t know or am not really close to.
To be perfectly honest, I’m a huge fan of intimate settings – of a few close friends, a few of my favorite books, and nothing out of the ordinary.
I’ve “dated” two guys in college and both times I’ve literally flipped out at the beginning because it was an area where I had little experience.
And the real world? Yeah, no. It scares me. It’s not familiar. It’s weird.
(At the same time, I’m a HUGE fan of adventure and doing things on a whim and just having a free spirit. I’m a walking contradiction..but who isn’t?)
I realized tonight that I’m so stuck on familiarity that I’m sometimes not willing to step outside my box and do what God’s called me to do. Believe me, it’s gotten better over the past few years. In high school you’d never have caught me chairing a Relay event or going on some crazy trip OUT OF THE COUNTRY for eleven months.
It’s funny, though, because every time I walk in God’s will, which is more often than not outside my perfect little world, I find myself more free and more open.
Take coming to Berry for instance: I never visited before orientation the summer before freshman year and at that point I was already sold on coming. I decided not to worry about the money (it’s expensive) and not to worry about transportation to or from school. I decided to just jump.
It’s been one of the best experiences of my entire life. Ever.
I decided on a whim two and a half years ago to go to this church that met in a bar. A *bar.* I walked out without my shoes on because I needed God to know that I was ready to take irreversible steps with and toward Him in every aspect of my life. I was ready and willing.
I stepped in as a small group leader a year later – and definitely NOT because I love being in front of people or because I feel like I’m qualified or capable of explaining God to people. I did it because I knew that God works in circles, not rows.
I applied for THIS – World Race, the reason I have this blog – this was not planned. In all honesty, I heard about World Race approximately two to three weeks before I applied. Yup. Legit. Not even kidding. Who does that? Well, when God calls you, that’s when you do it.
So, if that’s the case, then why do I stick so much to things that I feel comfortable with? Why do I hesitate to jump out of my comfort zone when God obviously calls me there?
Maybe because I’ve put my world in a little box and I try to rule it all by myself.
I had a dream when I was younger (and I actually wrote a poem about it if i remember correctly) where part of my world was falling apart and I was trying to pick up the pieces before they melted, but my hands were too small to hold them all.
That’s the exact same thing – trying to do something that only God’s hands are capable of doing. It’s not even that we can “sorta do it” and scrape by or manage. No. We just can’t. God is the only one who can..
So let’s clear the stage of all those things that are overly familiar to us – habits, places, people, addictions, ‘needs,’ wants – and start trusting God with everything.
Let’s start taking irreversible steps like Joshua and the Israelites into the Jordan River because we *know* who we believe and we are absolutely convinced that He’s got it all under control.
