An 11-month mission trip to share the good news and love of Jesus. How did it come to this?? For the first 23 years of my life this was never a next step, goal, idea, or even just as much of a thought of what I might do. I had “much bigger” plans. As a kid I saw myself becoming not a pro-athlete, astronaut, or doctor but a big business mogul that owned amusement parks, restaurants, sports teams, etc. Though my dreams maybe became more realistic with age, that desire really never left me. I had my eyes set on what was basically the American Dream just with some hope that it might be not have to be in America. I always saw that if I put in the effort and hard work I would be rewarded and get what I earned. God was always in my life and in this dream but He was primarily used for what I could get from Him (Luke 15:12). I loved when I got things from Him on top of what I already had but I was not a fan if I was asked to let something go or give away (Luke 18:22-23). Especially when it came to my big grand dream.
May 19, 2018 was the best day of my life. Prior to that date I was struggling very hard with what next step I needed to take after graduating college. Because of my high hopes and dreams I wanted something big! Unfortunately, there aren’t many great big options with a marketing bachelor’s degree. Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to settle and instead search tirelessly until I found it. And by some miracle it came. A marketing analytics job with a travel company (Trekksoft) in Interlaken, Switzerland. When I saw it I honestly laughed and thought it was a joke, no way there could be something this perfect! The job description fit exactly with my interests and I would be working directly with the department heads and CEO, it was in the industry I most wanted to be in, and the best part, it was in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. An adventurer’s paradise! A place I got to visit twice in that past year and fell completely in love with, easily my favorite place on Earth. I remember so clearly in both visits having some of the most real and authentic encounters I’ve ever felt with The Lord.
This was it, I found my dream! The next two months I would spend every ounce of me to pursue this job. I talked to just about every person in the company, actually prepared for interviews, prayed on my knees for hours a day, spent 4 days straight with no sleep learning software I’d never heard of to work on a mock project for their business, and when my last step was an interview with the CEO, I made sure he knew that everything inside of me wanted this. Days passed then weeks, while I was declining other job offers and in other interviews when asked “why do you want to work here?” I couldn’t find the words to give them any reason since every fiber in me wanted Switzerland. I remember an interview for a great management position with Target and I literally told them “I don’t really want this job but I am someone who could do it well”.
As all my peers were sitting comfortably, my patience was tested until the day before graduation when I finally got the news that I got the job and would be moving to Switzerland in three weeks!!! The joy and excitement that came out of me was something like I never experienced before. I screamed at the top my lungs and literally ran laps around my house and street for way too long. Watch some YouTube videos of parents telling their kids that they’re going to Disney World and you’ll understand how I felt that day. As I said before, it was the best day of my life because this dream that was more than I ever wanted was now coming true. Plus, I would get to walk the stage that next day and share the awesome news with everyone.
Feeling overwhelmingly blessed I gave thanks and praised my amazing Father. What I did after that praise was one of the most foolish things I could have ever done. Getting to this amazing achievement He showed me how through all the failures and challenges in my life He always came through and pulled me out to make me a stronger and better man. He brought me to James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Oh shoot…to embarrass myself further I went as far as to include that in my post when sharing the news on social media. (image below)
About 2 weeks went by and I found myself in San Antonio, Texas as my mom, little sister, and I had just driven and helped my brother move there from California. Everything was going so well. I had my flight booked to Switzerland in just a week where I’d get to meet friends from college there, found an affordable apartment with coworkers right by the office, knew exactly what snowboard gear I’d get, found the person I’d sell my car to, and had a conversation with Trekksoft just a few days prior on all the exciting details.
June 5, 2018. The worst day of my life. I get an email from Trekksoft that morning. It says,
“Our competitors have been bought out by large travel companies which has forced us to cut down our budget and unfortunately, we cannot offer you the position any more.”
Falling into a black hole is the best way to describe how I felt. Utter disbelief and defeat. What was my greatest dream coming to life was now an absolute nightmare. As someone who takes pride in staying headstrong and being quick to get back on my feet, this was too much and felt like a massive knockout punch. It pushed me into depression and I hated everything. First and foremost, I hated God. I saw Him as a Father who loves all His other children and blesses them but me, He sees no value in and as someone not worth fighting for. The worst part of it all was the fact that it was given to me and was right at my fingertips, just for it to be taken away and bring me completely down to my knees.
Or was this exactly what He had to do?
If I hadn’t fallen into those deep waters and felt so low I wouldn’t have ran to Him as wildly as I did. I wouldn’t have been as intimate with Him in my expressions of all the anger, fear, and sadness. I wouldn’t have surrendered my self and my ways to let Him move how He wants to. As much as I hated Him in this time I knew deep in my soul that there was nothing else I could run to, nothing else that could satisfy. So all I did praise. All I did was worship. All I did was bow down. All I did was stay still. I surrendered.
I hope and pray that you know where you can find Jesus because this is so important! He can be anywhere but He loves to meet us individually where our hearts lie. For me, it’s out in the mountains and on the trails. So for the next 2 months, that’s where I went. I drove hundreds of hours out west, twice, with friends and later with my little sister. This was some of the most raw and real time with The Father. There were times I was yelling at the top of my lungs and was punching trees and there were times where I cried for hours straight. I cried more this past year than I probably have my whole life and that’s coming from someone who is not a fan at all of crying. I came to Him and said, “Ok God, here’s my life, I’m giving it all to you cuz I have nothing else now. Do what you want to”. Now in my life I had always kinda felt the Holy Spirit doing stuff in me but I knew for sure at this time it was The Spirit because I started feeling the call to do a long-term missions trip. Which as I mentioned earlier this was not at all even a thought in my head prior. A missions trip maybe fit in with my American dream where I could go out for a week to some country and build houses but not a full year to waste away from my career. There’s about a thousand other things I’d rather put on my resume. So I went back to God and basically said, ” Surely you can think of something better, like c’mon man, I’m giving my life to you. Get back to me when you have an actually decent idea and then we’ll talk”. Then for some reason missions came up more and more, then the Worldrace, and I even started to feel like it might work, I know, crazy!
As this calling began to sink in I really wanted to make sure that this was the Spirit leading me and not some crazy idea of my own. My motto for the Worldrace is Spirit Lead Me. It comes from a song which has been printed all over my heart this past year and still now. I urge you to listen to it!! It’s an incredibly hard song to sing if you actually mean the words but it’s so powerful in giving up control and letting God do his best through you. Here is what the lyrics mean to me and how they led me to being in Zimbabwe right now.
IF YOU SAY IT’S WRONG, THEN I’LL SAY NO
The dream I was chasing after wasn’t inherently wrong but it was missing the purpose God has for my life. I had to say no those dreams so that I can see my true purpose by going back to understanding what my worth is. My worth comes from God, not from the position I hold, the place I live, the mountains I’ve hiked.
IF YOU SAY RELEASE, I’M LETTING GO
Though I wanted to hold on to my control and my plans for my life I had to let them go to let the spirit work. Had to give up my life and put it in His hands.
IF YOU’RE IN IT WITH ME, I’LL BEGIN
When I started to realize missions wasn’t from me but from The Spirit I had to open that door. I could have searched for another door but instead I followed.
WHEN YOU SAY TO JUMP, I’M DIVING IN
The Worldrace wouldn’t be just a small step but a big freaking leap. Rather than finding a way to just get my feet wet I let myself dive in.
IF YOU SAY BE STILL, THEN I WILL WAIT
I would have 10 months from when I accepted the decision to go on the Worldrace to when we left for our first country, South Africa. So I had to wait until then but God shows so much goodness in the stillness. That’s what builds our thirst!
IF YOU SAY TO TRUST, I WILL OBEY
This one didn’t actually feel true to me until after Month 1. I mostly decided to do the race because it’s what He wanted but I didn’t truly believe that it would be good for me or that it would be the best step for me. But I realized that was a lack of trust in me and didn’t allow me to be a willing son of a good Father. It doesn’t have to make sense and a lot of times honestly it won’t. But we just need to trust that He knows what He’s doing
I DON’T WANNA FOLLOW MY OWN WAYS, I’M DONE CHASING FEELINGS
My ways tell me to keep doing the logical thing and to do what “makes sense”. My feelings approaching graduation were consuming me and not giving any opportunity for God to speak into my life. The Spirit doesn’t move in ways that always feel good or fun. A lot of times it’s extremely difficult and kinda crazy. But our Father loves it so much when we put aside our feelings and allow Him to move us in ways that are way better than what we could do ourselves. His doing creates incredible works of art called love and he wants US to be a part of that masterpiece!
None of this is to say that God doesn’t care about your dreams and the passions of your heart. I didn’t write this to tell you that you have to give up everything and become a missionary.
HE DIDN’T TAKE MY DREAM AWAY BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER. HE PUT IT ASIDE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MAKE IT MATTER!!!
Honestly, one of my biggest fears going into this was that He would try to make me a full-time missionary. That He would take away my love for business, the outdoors and hiking, Disney even! All those things would drift away and only be filled with spiritual things like preaching, praying, or evangelizing. But no, if anything He’s been restoring my passions. He’s been showing me His kingdom in all of those things and how I can glorify Him through it all! He put those very things inside of me so that I can make Him known through it all! And He wants to do that for you too.
I’m going to end it here and let you sit on this. There’s so much more that happened with my time in California and tons that has happened these first two months on the race but this was something I finally really wanted to share with you all. It was so hard to talk about all this for a while and it still isn’t easy. My stomach still always churns when just hearing “Switzerland”. But our good God has been so awesome and freed me from so much of that pain. He’s continuing to put together my broken pieces and he’s allowed me to be a part of that healing in other people’s lives especially here right now in Zimbabwe. I can’t wait to share more of the amazing things He’s done here once I actually get a small taste of internet.
At the end of this you might be wondering why I mentioned the James 1:2-4 part where I literally asked God for further challenges and struggles in my life so that I could know Him more. “Ben did you forget that you asked Him for that and He answered that prayer? Well yeah for the longest time I did forget. I didn’t realize what He did there until exactly a year later at training camp for the Worldrace. I finally opened my eyes to see that He heard my prayer and probably said “haha oookayy… I have a good feeling you have no idea what you’re asking for but I love ya and I want to pour out my goodness on you so have fun with that”. Say what you will but I know He laughs at me sometimes. But that’s SSOOO COOOLLL!!! I was mad at him for the longest time because I told Him I wanted Switzerland and then he took it away. I didn’t even realize that he still gave me what I wanted! I probably shouldn’t have asked for it but He still provided! So the main message here is, be careful what you pray for!! Haha no that’s a joke. There are so many things I learned from this and I really hope that you learned some too. But the actual main point I want to get across to you is this.
WANTING MORE OF HIM REQUIRES US TO LET GO MORE OF OURSELVES.
IT’S HARD BUT DON’T BE AFRAID, LET THE HOLY SPIRIT LEAD YOU IN IT TO SEE THE FULLNESS OF HOW GOOD HE IS AND HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU
AMEN!!!
