Fear, the one thing that holds us back from getting to where we want to get. It causes us to doubt our potential and consumes us without even knowing it. It takes away dreams and aspirations like its no big deal. Even now, ask yourself, what is fear holding you back from?
Fear has plagued my thoughts and my heart for a very long time. I’m fearful of failure. I’m terrified of rejection. The future causes my very soul to tremble. Why is this though? Is it because I know I won’t succeed? Or is it really only because I’ve been putting God in a box and not trusting that He can and will do the impossible?
The World Race has at times terrified me. I sometime ask myself why on earth would I spend a year serving Christ and others when I should be starting a career and settling down, the future always weighing me down. Why would I want to ask others to support me financially when for so long I’ve been pretty comfortable in providing for myself? But then again, why not? For as far as I can remember I have dreamed of travel. Not just traveling to have a good time, vacation, but instead to go out and have the opportunity to drastically change the outcome of peoples lives, to share with the world that there is hope in my good and wonderful God. To live life side by side with brothers and sisters in community and to get my mind blown by God’s unfathomable power. Where did that dream go?
I’ve come to realize that I have a control problem because of my fear. I’ve been putting God in a box. Dreams of mine have been put aside because the logic comes out in me and I’ve told myself that I’m too old to be putting my life on hold for what God has been pressing on my heart. Instead, there has been doubt. I’ve been self inflicting harm to myself simply because I haven’t been able to let go of control over my life.
The past year has been some of the hardest months of my life. My heart has been broken into pieces, I’ve lost best friends, and a vast majority of things I thought I wanted for myself have been taken away. I’ve faced failure and rejection in ways I don’t ever want to experience again. However, I’m thankful to have been given the opportunity to face my fears and to in fact give up control. My faith has been made stronger. What do I have to loose? My God is so much bigger.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I’m ready for God to take full control of my life. I’m giving up myself. I’m not afraid anymore. My desires for my life are now only what He wants for me and because of that I am stepping out in faith that this dream and desire in my heart to reach out to “the least of these” is through the World Race. This is real life. I am actually going. Holy smokes. I am ready for Christ to move in and through me in ways I can’t even imagine. Fear no longer has a hold of me. God is going to show up and blow my mind. Nothing is impossible. I trust that he will give me the desires of my heart and that He will provide everything I need.
“God wants you to get where God wants you to go more than you want to get where God wants you to go.” Mark Batterson
God is taking me to second reality. This is about to get wild. He is so good. Join me as I continue to conquer my fears and further give God control of my life.
