until… I saw hope in her eyes.
We were in a renovated barn which now doubled as their church. It had a quazi-thatched roof with bird nests in various places. The fans didn't work and most of the paint had chipped away or faded long ago. The men found their place on mats along the left side and the women and children along the right side.
The pastor started up singing while another guy hopped on the drum. All the while we made sure it was getting pumped through the sound system and out the speakers so everyone in the village could hear. Some would come in and put their face to the ground to pray in reverance. Others would come in and find a quiet corner to watch the proceedings out of curiosity. Then there were two ladies either touched by the Spirit or moved by emotion as they shaked through worship. It was there, between flashes of a camera, that I saw her.
I don't even know her name. She told it to me once but I couldn't even repronounce it then. She was a young mother with two children and sat about halfway back with eyes that were different than everyone in the church. While everyone else looked through a filter of sadness, she had hope. I don't know why she had hope or what/who it was in but there was hope in her.
I watched as she watched. It was clear that she didn't spend much time here at the church and was intrigued. It was clear that she had discernment and was soaking everything up like a child. I could see that there was truth in her and that she wasn't quick to judge even though there was plenty for her to judge…and my heart ached.
She was hungry for truth and wouldn't be offended by the real thing…but would she be seeing the real thing tonight?? I wanted to just talk with her one on one and tell her about the good news. I wanted to tell her about the truths she was searching for and the ones God was working on in me. I wanted to pour out anything good that I knew into her and encourage her. I desired so badly for her to be protected and for her children to know Jesus. I longed for her to fall in love with God and not just base christianity on it's followers and the culture that comes with it…I wanted her to know that she didn't have to "fit in" with God…
It was time for me to speak and I rambled through much of what was on my heart. I felt as though much of what I wanted to say was to just her even though there were others there…After stumbling through my thoughts and words I sat back down with a weight even heavier on me to talk to this woman. One by one the guys shared what was on their hearts and then it was time to pray over those who wanted prayer. It's funny or sad that in the States there are people willing to give prayer all the time and few ever want it…almost as if it were a sign of weakness to actually have something in their life where they would need prayer. Here people will wait or even push others out of the way in order to possibly be prayed over…especially by someone white. Well, this night I couldn't pray over them…I had to talk to this woman.
So I called our friend and translator Rajashaker over to translate for me. She sat down with open eyes and an open heart as I started to share with her the things God had been putting on my heart. I told her about how much God loved her and how He enjoyed how she loved her children. I told her of the truth in her eyes and that she had discernment. I told her not to worry about praying with her eyes closed or raising your hands to say amen when everyone else was doing it. I told her that He had been hearing the cries in her heart and knew the things inside of her. I told her that He's not slow in responding even if we don't have eyes to see it for a long time. I told her a little of my story and I told her about Joseph in the bible.
You see, she didn't know anything about the bible. She didn't know Jesus. I don't know what religion if any she comes from. Yet, I saw Jesus in her. WIthout a shadow of a doubt, I have confidence that she is His little girl. He will complete what He's started with her. He's going to be her defender. He's the one pursuing her heart. That somehow even though she doesn't know Jesus yet, I saw Him in her…
Now that might mess with your theology. It's messed with mine already and I have tried to come up with verses to back it up or fit it in. I've got some that could work but at the end of the day I don't want to be bound by anything…even my perception of theology. All I know is that I saw Jesus in someone who's going to be madly in love with Him. I even felt His thoughts and thought His feelings for her and it burned inside of me until I finally had the opportunity to release it by telling her what was birthed in His heart for her…
Call it what you will, but I could finally breathe deep again and let the weight go once I shared with her…She was thankful and grateful, honored and encouraged. She could see that there was truth in me and I believe she will wait on Him…I also think that it may be awhile before she will walk in the fullness of His grace and mercy…That day will make my joy complete!
