Well Vietnam…If I don’t see you again, good morning, good afternoon and good night! At least that’s how Truman from the Truman Show would have said it. He however had a hart time getting out of the bubble whereas we had a hard time getting into it. While he lived in a very controlled environment set up by a man who seemingly had money and power, it ultimately all wasn’t real. In the end he left and started to truly live. On the flip side of things I live for a good who actually is in control and does have control and hasn’t exactly set up all of my days to look alike. While Truman went through the same monotony every day, God tends to change things up a bit for me…the last few days were no different.
flashback to almost two months ago…
I found myself sitting in a fold out chair with a man staring intently at me. He devoted himself to tracing each stroke of my hair and the depth of his eyes transforming me from person to paper. A single light bulb dangled above me and the endless flow of people poured in and out as they delighted in expressing how well this artist was capturing my image. Who knew that I could become an instant Phnom Penh star just by paying $3 to get my face drawn? My team and new friends (technically our university students) were filled with amazement, critiques, joys and jokes as I sat upright trying to not let my jaw fall off…As people moved in around and behind me to watch the spectacle I found myself playing a little game. Every time my artist looked down at the paper and took his eyes off of me, I would make a different face at him and then restore my gaze to normal before he looked back up. I wonder what went through his head as laughter continually erupted whenever he looked down to inspect his work. I’m quite thankful that my author and perfecter takes so much time in not only forming my appearance but more importantly my heart. While the artist captured my image fairly well ( I will have to find a pic to add to this blog sometime soon) he didn’t capture ME…
flashback to years ago sitting in the loft at Dollar Bay Baptist Church with Jerry K.
Sitting back in a comfy couch that lets you sink in nearly as much as the analogies and stories of my youth pastor I found myself thinking about money…He talked much about how you know whether money is fake or real. Most people know that you can hold it up to the light to see “stuff” inside of it that makes it real. However, I’d say that most people don’t know what all is in there. Either way, the outside still gets dirty and looks quite a bit like every other bill whether counterfeit or not. However, when you put it to the light, what is inside gets revealed. “You know how to tell the real from the fake?” he would say. “You’ve got to get to know the real…there are a thousand ways to make a fake but when you know the real, anything else will get revealed in a hurry…”
flash forward to a few days ago when team luminous talked about some personality tests…
I found myself perusing through portions of the test that we weren’t completely talking about and found and interesting portion that I’ve held in the back of my head and heart for some time now…It basically talked about how I see myself and how others see me in normal situations, stressful situations and really hard situations. Evidently, the harder the situation and the less I have control over it, the more optimistic I usually become. However, the more stressful the situation the more the optimism seems to appear fake, self-promoting or otherwise. I find that ironic because usually the more stressful a situation is, the more likely what is inside comes out… Either way, it is looking more and more like I’ll get a chance to test the analysis of that personality test.
Flash forward to the last couple days…
By now you have probably read a bit of the blogs saying that we got kicked out of Vietnam…well we kind of did which is a first for me. I don’t think we are blacklisted and we didn’t do anything wrong or dangerous. For more details take a look at the blogs that Steph Chiu or Lindsay Hoogendam wrote. Our plans of going to Vietnam were thwarted leaving us empty handed and open-eared as to what God has in store for us instead. As of right now we are looking into options while still trying to figure out if we got scammed by a fake visa company (Vietnam said our visa acceptance was a “fake”) or if they just wouldn’t let us in because they somehow found out or assumed we are Christians (and actually had perfectly acceptable visas.)
That leaves us in Bangkok where we rested this morning and have been looking into options and spending time listening to what He’s got for us instead. The optimistic side of me is honestly starting to feel a bit more alive with the fact that we have very little money left to use for this month and we have zero plans as of the minute you are reading these words. I’ve been learning a lot about trust this year and am thankful for another chance to trust Him. Meanwhile, this ought to bring our team closer together, and teach us of His faithfulness. I really don’t even know what truths about Himself He will reveal in and through us this month but I can honestly say that I have a greater expectancy that He’s going to do something this month than I have had for the previous ones.
All of that said, the reality is that our team is going to need plenty of prayer as we are going through something that quite possibly could be a bit past our comfort levels…which is good but not always easy. The current state of our team is trust and peace seeking how to be obedient. However, the harder things get which is a definite possibility, the more that may be challenged.
I ask that you would be praying that:
-He would use us to bring Himself glory…(I partially feel like writing “the end” and maybe I should, but am not)
-we would continue getting deeper with each other and God as facades and boundaries fall and our hearts are revealed
-we would be thankful in all and that we would have eyes to see His faithfulness
-we would have ears to hear what He has to say, the courage to be obedient to it, and the trust to enjoy it instead of bear it
-that He would give us specific guidance
It’s funny because I didn’t initially open this blog to write so much…I was just going to give you a quick head’s up with what was happening but got thinking about the differences between being real and being fake…I hope that today you are real in whatever circumstance you are in and whatever struggle you face.
Who you are matters much more than what you are doing or where you are at so be who you were called to be in all circumstances and not just the ones that are comfortable or enjoyable.
