Last year at this time I was staring down the home stretch to a year of teaching on St. Paul Island up in Alaska. It wasn’t an “easy” time in my life but I was more than grateful for the experience and the friendships of the people up there. I honestly look forward to visiting them once again some day but I don’t know when that will be. Looking back on last year though I find that part of the reason why I was there was a felt obligation to use my newly acquired teaching degree. After spending years and money of my own and gaining support from family and friends through it all, I felt obliged for them if not for me to at least stick it out for a year instead of assume how it would be. I don’t know where next year will find me but at this point I doubt that it will once again be in a public school. I do however feel as though there will be some stress in feeling an obligation to “settle down” and pay off all my loans as soon as I return. There’s probably more to this ramble but that’s what it is so I will move on 🙂
I heard a story the other day of a girl studying here in Dalat who is from a very poor village nearby. She is the oldest of many siblings and her family used all of their “extra” money to send her to college. This is a matriarchal village even to the point where guys inherit the girls last names…She has her family and village counting on her to get educated and then to come back to teach and be a leader in the community. She has a lot of pressure on her shoulders being the oldest and her role in life has “been determined” for her. Much of her life is lived by obligation.
I feel as though the stories change and the circumstances change but I’m starting to see how common it is for people to live by obligation…whether it’s students in China spending nearly all day studying to get into a prestigous university, to young girls prostituting themselves in SE Asia to raise enough money to support their family, to those in the States with pressure to be doctors or lawyers, to Haitian’s walking for days through desert to work tireless hours in fields, to Filipino’s hopping on boats and traveling to the Arctic to process crab and fish, to Senegalese working from dawn to dusk building houses and walls from the bricks they just made in the demanding sun, to you name it…
When thinking of the “plights” of so many I feel as though I have nothing to complain about. I have never spent my life building pyramids, or the great wall of China, or even at the frontlines of a battle for my family, group or country…at least in the physical sense. Nevertheless I’ve found myself being shaped by obligations and perceived obligations throughout my life…sometimes with big decisions and sometimes with small ones.
While in Cambodia, Jen Den made a comment while we meandered through a community living and working in/on a heap of trash. Her comment was about how ever since the fall, man has always been driven to work. Even there amidst smoldering garbage you could find tireless workers who sought to pick up more plastic or glass than the next person…all for like 7 cents a kilo…Even those who have nothing somehow get stuck in a curse of feeling obligated to work…
I feel as though this is a good time to take a breather and a sidenote. I am not saying that I will never work again and I am not saying that work is bad and I DO understand that there are responsibilities that need to be taken care of. In fact, if my family (and I’m a part of it) errs on a side, it is that we like to work too much. I have relatives that can work as hard as anyone I know and I am ever-impressed by them…I am just highlighting the question of WHY you are driven to do what you are doing…is it obligation?
It might be some of the Irish (or human) in me that really doesn’t particularly love to do something purely out of obligation. I would rather embrace and enjoy it whether it is easy or hard. I’d rather be thankful for the small blessings given even in the toughest of circumstances. I’d rather stay positive and keep my eyes on what really matters than feel the weight of obligation. Maybe my definition of obligation is a bit off but I feel it does more to bind people than free people.
Anyway, this little blog is for those who feel as though their spirits are weighed down by obligations regardless of how big or small. If you carry it right now you can be released of it. Freedom comes through a gift He has tried to give us over and over again and its called REST. Now your circustances may not change much and you may be shaking your head saying “benny, I don’t have time…” but rest is more a state of the heart and a choice that comes through truly trusting than the amount of “free time” you feel you have. It’s a matter of perspective and taking care of the things you can to the best of your ability and letting go of the things that you really have no control over. This kind of trust brings a hope that lightens the spirit and can get you through whatever you may be going through…at least that’s my hope 🙂
