It had been a little while since my hands had taken the kind of beating that stripping a roof of four roofs administers. My heart was content though. The 8 to 10 to 12 hour days my uncles and I took to re-roof our old deer camp seemed much like a vacation I'd love to get every other month. The woods and camp hold such fond memories for me and it was my delight (not duty) to pour myself into this roof. It had been four or five days since I had last talked with Angie but it didn't really feel like it because she somehow accompanied my mind through the long hours of work.
I know of very few Veales who have a gift for brevity and are fond of holding onto their own opinions. It was actually quite humorous and endearing for me to just keep my mouth shut and listen as my uncles and dad jibber jabbered throughout the day.
I recounted a few of my dreams that I've held onto since a child. One was to share these woods someday with my woman. (For those of you who have a hard time hearing me call her my woman, I want to just let you know that there is no shovonism or slight on her…Just pride in identifying myself with her. I say "woman" with the utmost respect and affection. Please give me grace with that if you ever hear me say that…) Anyway, there are places and things that I've saved in hopes of sharing them with my wife. This place is one of them.
We packed up our things for the day and went to a family camp on the lake to get cleaned up and relax by the fire after a sauna…When we got there my uncles headed towards the lake to get refreshed and then got food. I on the other hand went directly for my phone and went for a walk that I had been waiting for all day. Ang and I talked and it was here that I found out that she desired and had planned on living with her sister in Winnipeg for awhile…I stepped back a second and weighed my heart. I knew that I was supposed to invite her and I knew that I wanted to pursue her. I also knew that if things were going to work, then it would have to be by His Spirit…so, I chose to support her in whatever direction she decided to go in…and I waited.
During these days, I tried to give her space and only called every four or five days. It was a fine line of pursuing hard and yet letting her breath. After all, I really didn't have any response from her at all except for this "white page" business…So I treaded patiently and did the only thing God allowed me to do…talk about my heart.
In these conversations I started out with some shallow things and eventually worked into deeper and deeper areas. With each call she responded with another step into my heart. Little did she know that pretty soon she was going to be surrounded by the embrace of my heart.
…It was a few days after the above conversation that I had hit a point where I was about to explode again. Angie and I were going to skype each other for the first time. While we had talked a few times on the phone in the past weeks, the thought of being able to see her riled me up. I was all sorts of excited and yet all I needed to do was find a place with wi-fi. I went to the cofee house..internet wasn't working well…so I went to the church, but there was a band practicing and I couldn't get wifi downstairs. I went to a friends house and then anothers until I finally got a room where I would get wi-fi that would work…I got on quick to make sure that she hadn't left me while I was trying to figure out a place that would work. To my great relief, she was there!!!
It was GO TIME!!
…and then 30 seconds into our conversation, I lost her.
You've got to be kidding me!!! Well, I'll just try calling her on skype again…or 5 more times…Where is she!?!?!
Hmmm…I'll just call her to see what's up. Surely she didn't leave on purpose. Did she? Nah.
No answer…
hmmm…
I guess I'll call her again
or 4 more times…
Wow am I going to sound desperate.
I JUST NEED TO TALK TO HER!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I take a quick breather and realize that I must look like a complete nut job who's lost his marbles…
and then she rings back…
"Hey benny, sorry about that, I lost my internet and my phone was on silent in the other room…I came over to call you instead and realized that you had tried calling me…"
Well…that was a relief…even if she thought I was a wierdo, she had the guts or courtesy to call me back…
OK then, Plan B.
I threw on a coat and my shoes and walked out the door with phone in hand. I'd just have to pour out my heart over that instead. I hurriedly walked towards the beach at the end of the road. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Well, tonight I was letting my heart cascade all over my tongue as I delivered one piece after another of my heart to her. I unloaded everything from my struggles with pornography to my dreams to my girl situations (or lack there of?) to wounds I had kept primarily to myself my entire life. In short, I laid myself bare.
I let her know of the words God told me over the summer and that I knew I would be getting my wife soon…and that it was my hope and belief that it was her. I told her about some of the very real dreams that I've had throughout the years that may some day take place. Some of those dreams hold some pretty weighty experiences and the thought of making someone walk through those things with me had kept me from pursuing a number of females in the past…and yet, it felt so right and so good to invite her along for the ride…and I told her how much I just loved Jesus!!
In essence, when I chose to trust God with my heart, I chose to take a path of strategy a little more foolish in the minds of many. Surely this would push her away. Right? Listen, the most positive sign I had up until this point was that she had a "white page." So I respond with "I want to marry you…" Hmmm…again…all sorts of not ok…but He wanted me to pour out my heart so I proceeded to drench her with dew from my depths.
Then there was silence…
"Well Benny, I suppose I'm going to need to start reciprocating and give you something…"
"Ang. No, you don't. I mean…If you want to I won't stop you but I really don't need anything from you right now. You're released of that. When it's time for you to say whatever, say it. Before then, you don't have to say a thing."
"OK."
"Also, I know that you are planning on going to live with your sister in Winnipeg. I was wondering if you'd be willing to maybe come and visit me along the way for a week or so."
"Sure. yeah, I've got peace about that. I actually just have an overwhelming peace about all of this…I don't really know what to say to you and I don't really have a response but I have peace."
…peace.
First of all, I praise God that He can get a conversation out of me as messy as a kid's diaper that includes the word "marriage" in it to a girl I've never hung out with one on one before and it still produces a response of "peace."
Second of all, I got a response. It was concise…and it was good.
Third…Did she just agree to come visit me??? Haha, wait! What?!?! Who is this girl??? HAHAHA, YEEESSSSSS!
Speaking of feeling good…my endorphins were kicking like I had just run the Boston marathon backwards. All I could do was sit down near a tree and watch the full moon rise over the lapping waves of the great Superior. All was well with my soul. My heart was content and I too shared in that peace…
