Month one is over in Guatemala. It was definitely not how I thought it was going to be. Me and a lot of others on my squad had the idea that we were going to get here and our lives be instantly changed. NOPE! That wasn’t the case at all. Month one was hard, spiritually, and emotionally. A lot of days I was complaining of how I missed my friends, my family and just life back at home and what I could be doing there. A big thing for me here is I can’t let go of something. I don’t know what it is. I can’t pinpoint it. Guatemala was tearing me apart spiritually. I couldn’t understand the purpose for God having me there. I felt so apart from God and his will. I would constantly be thinking “what am I doing here”, “God I don’t see how you are going to use me, I don’t feel like I have anything to give”. Not to say I didn’t have fun. I got to meet a lot of people in Guatemala and in all the cities we went to, and at our ministry site I built some good relationships. I think through us we left something there at “Casa de Sion”. I think we left the spirit of Christ. Aside from any negative feeling only caused by the enemy, I could tell by the end that my little buddy Irwin, his brother and Dad were different. Dominga (our “mother” lol) was smiling all the time and started joking around with us and really loosening up. I loved seeing that. When I know I’ve comforted someone or helped someone come out of a shell it makes my day. Seriously. Sadness or thoughts holding me back are gone. I know that it wasn’t me who put that smile there but Jesus. Thank you God! Wow he is so good. Praise God for the work he does through us! And at times….we don’t even realize he’s doing it…until later when we are seeking him, and it hits us, and we become thankful, because all we thought was that we weren’t doing anything. We thought we weren’t making an influence, we thought we were nothing, we thought we weren’t good enough. And when we listen to him to come talk to him, the doors open. He says “Ben, what took you so long to simply come meet with me? I want you to talk with me DAILY. I’ll show you so much. I’m your papa! I’m so proud of you! Don’t be scared about anything, you’re my son. You have my DNA, which means you don’t have to fear. Seek me! I don’t want you to be fearful! I don’t want you to worry or doubt!
Sooo yea that was month 1 and now I’m Honduras. The minute we drove into Honduras I felt soooo refreshed! It was the weirdest feeling! God was telling me this is going to be a good month for you Ben! And so far it has! I’m loving it here. I’ve still been struggling with feeling kinda bummed out and feeling like I’m useless out here, BUT….this past week has been incredible! I’ve been seeking him more and it’s just been good. SO far I’ve been building really good friendships with our contacts who we are staying with and the contacts we’re working for. The other night we went to a concert and this huge nice church that I didn’t think could exist here. The moment we walked in God told me to pray for this girl in a wheel chair cause she had fallen some time in her life and got paralyzed. I knew I had to, and I wanted to but I didn’t know when a good time would be. I asked my squad leader Mike and he said NOW! So I grabbed our translator and we prayed for this girl and her legs to get up and walk (we prayed around HUNDREEEDS of people). After I prayed nothing happened there and I was kinda upset, but instantly after that I had a peace over me cause I knew I had to do it, so I did. I obeyed and God was happy with that. I’ve never done that before in my life and he was pleased. And I think I was more blessed from the girl and her mom with how much trust they had in the Lord and how they had not an ounce of worry in them! I needed to see that. In that same night a ton of teens came running up to praise God and I was amazed and how many teens and kids LOVED Jesus! It gave me hope for the top murder country in the world! That night God gave me passion for Honduras. Like deep passion. Ever since that night I’ve been so happy every day, loving talking and meeting new people, loving working with our team in this ministry, just a ton of stuff. And the other day me and our bus driver Ronny, who’s a really good friend now, talked to this drunk guy. I didn’t talk much about Jesus but I loved that man. All the women wanted me and the rest of my team to avoid him but I insisted on talking to him. He needed it, and so did I. We talked about his life and kids, we had some laughs and I had some scary moments, cause he kept punching my arm jokingly and I thought if I say something he doesn’t like he was gonna punch me in the face haha, he was quite an aggressive guy lol, but at the end I had our translator tell me how to say “Hey thank you, you’re a good man, and God thinks you are to.” It sounds pretty cheesy but at the time that’s what I was thinking and he loved it. He gave me a big hug and kept thanking me.
Im not sure what else to say, I’m loving Honduras and im loving where we’re staying. We are the first full squad here in Honduras and we are the first squad to stay here at this camp/ retreat center we’re at. Tony and his wife have an INCREDIBLE heart and passion for this country. I couldn’t believe it. It hits you like a tons of bricks and I feel like I could come back here FOR SURE to help him grow this ministry here. It’s the top murder capital in the world, a.k.a not the safest place to be for a pasty white greengo who sticks out, to be. This place needs hope, this place needs compassion accompanied with a fierce authority. I plan on bringing it here while I can, and I can see many more following in our footsteps. God can definetly move through Tony and through all the different ministries we’re working with.
Thanks for reading, everyone! I love and miss you guys SO much!
This is our first ministry site in Guatemala, Casa de Sion
This is a lil glimpse of where we're stayingat now. More to come!
View from our camp site every night.
