Brotherhood. What is brotherhood?
It is definitely something I’ve never really experienced before now. Joshua and I have grown so much over the past several months, its been so good but also brought challenges.
That is what this blog is about.
Joshua and I have grown so much closer than I ever thought would have been possible for myself and another guy before the Race. Along with that came some things that I didn’t expect. I never expected for it to be so easy to get caught up in pursuing the “brothership” over the Source of that brothership. I never expected too much of a good thing to be bad when it comes to this.
At the end of last month and carrying over into this month was a dependency towards Joshua that I just assumed was a natural part of brotherhood, but was I mistaken. I just thought this dependency was a good thing and it didn’t really bother me…. Another part of this was that our relationship started with me asking questions, but the motives behind those questions were not in the right place. In and of themselves, they were not bad, but motives when pursuing brotherhood need to be based on a desire to know the person for who they are and what God is doing in their life, and thats just not where mine were.
I was so confused when this hit the fan because I thought that I was pursuing God in this completely and that my dependency on my brother was just a side effect of that, but that was just a lie of the enemy. I was so focused on pursuing my brother that I found myself letting that be my focus instead my Father.
I was at a complete loss and didn’t know what was going on or where to go because I thought I was going in the right direction.
I know now that God is using this to show me what true “brothership” looks like and the difference between that and what was going on. What was going on was this: Joshua had become so important me that I was afraid of losing my best friend. He had become far too important to me to the point that he had taken a place in my heart and life where only God belongs.
I can’t say as to when that started to happen, but that doesn’t really matter all that much. Sure it brings clarity, but what really matters is that I now know something was wrong. I have wanted a brother like that for so long and when God finally brought someone into my life to fill that role, I got overzealous and ended up focusing on Joshua, on the brother, instead of the Source of our brothership.
Anyways, all this to say that brotherhood is something that is completely from God and I had no idea of what thats supposed to look like. I know that God is using this to teach me just that and also a greater dependency on Him and that when I focus all my energy and attention on Him, other things, like the pursuit of a brother, just happen naturally.
