I had always been driven by fear, fear of rejection, of failure, of losing myself. Fear kept me from truly embracing the love of Jesus Christ. Fear kept me from putting myself out there to be changed by him. Fear kept me from really loving others. Before I went to training camp, I planned to be very reserved, and not let my teammates know my weaknesses, because I was afraid of being rejected and judged. I could not have been more wrong, the men and women of my squad are the most loving and accepting people I have ever met. I immediately felt safe and comfortable with these people who were basically strangers. God is working through each and every one of these people and it shows. Whenever I felt discouraged or fearful, they were there for me, I don’t know if they even know, but all the nice little things people would do really helped me see myself and God in a new light. I have begun to view myself as a son of God, rather than a collection of mistakes and failures. I began to see God as a father and not some cosmic executioner. I was made by the master of all things, I was created intentionally and He knows my heart. He knows what I need, and because of this I no longer need to be fearful. I can begin to live the life that Christ intended for me to live. So as I go into this trip, I pray that I will embrace the fear, and not let it control me, to lean into the discomfort, and find the lessons in the hurt. I pray that all I meet would be able to see God through me. Fear will no longer force me into silence. I will proclaim the Word of God, because He is the king of my heart.
