In Psalm 42, David is in a battle with his own soul. He screams, “Why are you so downcast, oh my soul?” He sees something in himself that he knows isn’t the standard with Christ, and it bothers him.
He pleads with his own soul, “Hope in God, wait for Him. Praise Him.” Even though you don’t feel like it, praise Him. And watch as He shows up to change everything. From mourning to dancing, from ashes to beauty.
This is my current season.
While in Africa, a got a lot of feedback that I did not celebrate other’s victories very well. That when they would share moments from their day, I seemed uninterested and it was sometimes discouraging. As if my attention and thoughts were elsewhere.
In America, I got constant feedback that I wasn’t very available. I didn’t like to answer my phone. Or change my schedule to be with people. I had other things to do. Rather than choose community, something I learned overseas, I often choose seclusion and to be a lone wolf.
Well, during my time here at Bethel Church Atlanta, inner healing is something that has been brought up a lot. That what is buried deep will continue to come out until I decide to deal with it.
Our pastor preached on Luke 15, the story of the prodigal son and the angry older brother. And throughout the sermon, so much of the older brother’s spirit resonated with me. And that bothered me. I have made great advances in joining with others as they celebrate breakthrough in their life, but I wasn’t where I wanted to be.
I want to fully care in those moments, to be fully there. To fully love, and encourage.
So, I asked for prayer from a trusted source. And Father showed up, ready to heal.
My friend began to pray, and the speak the word “rest”. The moment I heard that word, my soul exhaled in the way a groom feels as his bride enters. A long journey coming to fulfillment.
I had began working for Father, trying to still earn His love. His acceptance. That is why I couldn’t be fully there in conversation. My heart was searching for the next task to accomplish. The next place to be. All while missing out on what was in front of me. So, he asked Abba for rest. For peace.
And rest came. As his hands left my shoulders, I felt different. I felt loved again. For the rest of the day, my conversations with friends felt deeper, and richer. I felt fully there. Able to connect, and love.
As I learned to take my eyes off of myself and rest in Him, I learned to give my full attention to others.
Because I don’t have to earn anything, my heart doesn’t have to wander to the next activity. It can be fully present.
And a fully present heart is one that sees the Kingdom of God manifest in even small conversations.
So, I will continue to seek inner healing in areas of my life that need the love of Jesus to move forward. To be made new.
I am available now, my time is His. To love. To be with people. Fully there. To give each relationship all I have. To celebrate as people share exciting parts of their day, and encourage those passions.
To be there to walk others through this healing process.
What areas of your life, maybe past struggles, are hindering you from walking in full freedom?
Ask Father, and He will show you. And I am here to grab your hand and walk this journey with you if you’d like.
