So, the last blog I wrote was in Costa Rica, I was sitting in a mall called Terramall in a city called Rio Azul. Now I am in the house of an AIM contact in La Paz, Bolivia. I’m surrounded by friends that used to be total strangers and we are about to watch Elf on Mothers Day. Between now and then I have been to Chinendega, Nicaragua, Siguatepeque, Honduras, and Los Andes, Chile. To summarize things in a post that doesn’t drag on for hours i’ll do a quick summary of the top things that have happened in each country.
In Nicaragua I sledded down an active volcano, tied up a driveshaft with rope in order to get home from ministry,and saw God heal a wrist through my friend praying. There I was upset that it did not seem like we were helping people and meeting their needs on this earth.
In Honduras I stood under a massive waterfall as the water pounded behind me, I went snorkeling in the second biggest reef in the world, I forged friendships with several amazing people, and I learned what self sacrifice looks like and how no matter how hard life seems sometimes, God can carry you through with His strength. Here I was realizing that the identity I had built around myself was not who I actually am, and I realized that I needed to root my identity completely in Christ before I could make any difference in His kingdom.
In Los Andes I had a lot of free time, we held up Jesus signs in a crosswalk, hosted Youth Group, and fixed the roof of our church because it was leaking and flooding the church. That is where God rocked my world in an assortment of different coffee shops and bars in the city.
So lets begin, I enjoy working, I always have, I am a very hard worker and this is something that I have always prided myself in and I still think that God has given me this for a reason. Also I feel called in God’s kingdom to serve the physical needs of people as well as the Spiritual needs. I feel called to help people in the places where there seems to be no hope. None of these things are wrong but when not in the right spiritual mindset it is easy for a person to question why they are in the place that God put them. My biggest problem when I was in Chile was the simple question of “Why am I here sitting in a coffee shop debating whether to order a double espresso or an americano while people in other countries are drinking water thats the same color due to dirt and sewage.” Or, “Why am I here when I could be helping set up a medical clinic that could save someones life?” For most of Chile I was a very bitter person internally. I was mad at AIM, mad at God, and mad at myself for coming on the world race, and particularly for asking people to support me on this trip that turned out to be nothing like I imagined it. At the same time I was wrestling with the concept of hearing from God. I always thought God only spoke to me through other people and through the Bible. Meanwhile several of those around me were hearing God speak to them almost audibly, as in they could hear and understand God’s voice. So here I was, in the mountains in Chile, and someway somehow I was angry at God because I felt useless, out of place, and like God was refusing to speak to me in the way He did to those around me.
Thats when I got some wise words from a very wise person while sitting at yet another coffee shop talking over Facebook messenger. She told me the race isn’t about going out and helping people in the way I thought it was, the main point of the race isn’t even to go out and help people. The race is about personal growth, taking people to their particular breaking point physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or any combination of those. It is about training and equipping those who are willing to go to the ends of the earth to do what God is calling them to do in His Kingdom. Basically what I’ve learned is that the race isn’t the thing, the race isn’t the mission trip thats going to change the world, it’s not the adventure that you’ve always dreamed of for God’s Kingdom, it’s not the thing that will be the fulfilling of your relationship with God or even the bridge that will get you across to where you want to be in God’s Kingdom, it’s not the thing. The race is the time where you need to look deep inside yourself and decide if you’re ready to be all you can be for the Kingdom of God, and once you’ve decided that then you’re ready to participate in the fullness of what this eleven month trip is. The race isn’t the thing, it’s the thing that gets you ready for the thing. It’s the trip where God breaks you, where God shows you that you’re not good enough you’re not strong enough you’re not holy enough you’re not anything enough to serve God’s Kingdom in the way He wants you to while you rely on you’re own strength. While you rely on yourself for anything in your life you will never be able to do what God wants you to do.
So, what does that mean. In essence what all that means is that God wants to shape me and mold me into what He wants me to be for His Kingdom. That is why I am here, if I really want to go to the ends of the earth I need to be here and learn and grow in my intimacy with the Lord.
Through doing that I have learned so much about God, His Kingdom, and our roles as Christians on this earth. It was almost like when I realized what I needed to do so many things just clicked into place and started to make sense. What I have determined is this: I was trying to get to step seven in order to get to step one. I was focusing on being all I can be for God’s Kingdom, I was running towards the goal of helping those who need it because those two things are the desires of my heart. I was chasing after those things because I believed that my intimacy with the Lord would grow along that path, I didn’t realize I had the entire point of life and Christianity backwards. I need to start at step one, make my relationship with the Lord and stepping into what he calls me to do every second of every day the only focus that I have in life, then while I am still in step one and continuing to grow into step one I move forward to steps two and three and so on. I should always be pressing towards the Lord, and as I do that He will begin to use me for His kingdom.
I learned and am still learning that the purpose of our life here on earth is to relentlessly pursue God, know Him, learn from Him, and most importantly glorify Him. Once you start down that path and the pursuit of God becomes your one and only desire, the rest of life either falls into place, makes more sense, or doesn’t matter in comparison.
So, what have I learned since Costa Rica?
The Race isn’t about going all over the earth for 11 months and helping people in each country for a month at a time. The Race is about something bigger, more powerful, breaking and empowering at the same time.
The Race isn’t the thing you do for God, it’s the thing God can use to get you ready for His calling on your life, but only if you let Him change your heart and you willingly take the plunge into the fullness of what He has to offer.
