This blog is the first in a Series of Blogs that I am writing about my Spiritual Journey here In Nsoko. Partly through my trip here I began to realize there was a deep connection between the miracles, healings and spiritual warfare in my life. I have struggled since with both processing these harmonious events in my life and updating home about them. I realized that these observations were directly related to my spiritual life. So I am Writing a blog Series to not only collect my encounters and thoughts but also show the great movement the lord is doing here, and within me.
Part 1
Digesting the copious artifacts in my life that the Lord has brought to me this week has been a slow and meditative process. It has required excavating my past and allowing my body to feel the emotional rot of my mind. The Lord has sifted through earthly consumptions and brought me face to face with the depths of my humanity.
None of this has been done without great beauty to outcome. I am confident in this because I serve a Father who delights in crafting beauty from ashes, all for his Glory.
My Testimony
My back was a habitual pain ignored and forgotten. I was lying on the ground late at night with spasms from sweeping our bedroom earlier. The spasms were painful and reduced the movement of my body drastically. I was lying on the floor in the midst of a game when I was approached by my teammate for prayer. Quickly all attention was directed towards me which made me squeamish and reserved. I had no idea the power the Lord was about to demonstrate within and without. Jesus corrected the alignment of my back. To the ears of my squad leader He spoke, “Bella, has to ask me for this.” And immediately Shad, my squad mentor said that the verse John 14:14 came into his mind. He looked in astonishment as the words before him read, “ Ask anything in my name, and it shall be done.” As this was shared with me on the floor of the Anchor Center Kitchen, I had a strong feeling that the Lord was about to do something life altering. All I had to do was choose into it. So the three of us sat and prayed for a miracle, something I had never personally encountered before. As we prayed I heard clearly the voice of the Lord tell me,” You weren’t meant to live with this, let me take it from you.” Yet, for so long I had allowed myself to believe that I deserved it. Now seeing that my pride stood between the remedial touch of God and continuing down a path of my own. I prayed, “ Father, thank you for this back that you have given me,” and as I began praying over my own body, tears began to fall from my eyes, “ Thank you for all the things I have been able to complete because of my back, for the stability and mobility it has brought to my life.” Immediately my hip popped, aggressively and my back was stimulated with an ice hot sensation and I felt no pain.
My understanding
Describing the aftermath is something I am still struggling to do in writing.
I felt as though I was hit with an overwhelming wave of answers and revelations.
It was as if I had just made an archaeological discovery of immense importance, and the fossil I had unearthed was a footing for more discoveries. My eyes were open.
I saw the fear that I wrestled with and the depths the Lord was willing to go to rid me of all fear. I saw the Lord make a way for the promises he has made to me time and time again in missions be fulfilled. I realized that I wasn’t put here in South Africa to learn to become a missionary, rather to deepen my intimacy with the father, so that I could hear his voice when my heart wasn’t enough. The Lord made me confident in the fruit I bear because he, the vinedresser, wraps my branches. By my encounter with healing hands the lord was able to provide me with tools to overcome adversity. I was convicted that the devil had no authority that I didn’t myself give him. It was made aware to me through my trial, the lengths Satan would go to shame me, cloud me, cripple me and make me feel unworthy of what the Lord has called me to. But I find myself even more in awe of my creator because of this experience. That his nature is to teach me and by doing so make me more Holy, rather than force me to be. The free will he gave me even in my healing was to open a pathway to him but I just as easily could have chose to remain quite. The lord gave me a choice, blind faith or pride. By the relentless pursuit of my heart, I was softened to an opportunity for the Lord to be faithful. Jesus was going to answer my petition. He established a security in me that “In his name,” truly meant he wasn’t leading me to false hope. The Devil is scared of us when we walk in the confidence of the blood of the lamb, fully mindful of the power that dwells within us. When I was able to surrender my fear for one second to watch the Lord work, the Holy Spirit was able to move in my heart mightily.
I have a hope and trust like never before because I have personally seen the power of the Holy Spirit in me.
