So here we go,
I felt prompted by the Lord to write to you all today, who’m ever you are. Where ever you are.
To the my squad mates who read this, mentors, WR staff. To my friends, family, subscribers and even hosts overseas.
Thank you for supporting me.
Your constant radically unequivocal love for Christ has constantly given me hope. For a long time I was unsure of when or how I was going to write to you. I have for the past months been processing through a lot of grief, and standing still has truly taught me how grateful I am to God for moving the pieces in my life that I can not orchestrate myself. God who see’s beyond my days, truly cares so much for us. He authors our life in such profound ways that only we can later make sense of, if we look to him for meaning.
Post accident I had a close friend speak softly to me words I believe were a message from the spirit. “You are broken right now, you need to just be held in the fathers arms, Bella, he wants to pick you up and cradle you softly.” When you come out of something traumatic you are disoriented. You are fatigued and you are vulnerable. This is what I wore the second night post accident. I was in need of love and that is exactly what Christ clothed me in, security, love, and almost likena hand over my back to allow me to feel a sense of ease from all that I bore, by his heavenly touch. I didn’t have to make sense of anything, my father was calling the shots, pulling the strings and after I did my part he was calling me to heal and rest.
As ministry in India began, I began to feel like I wasn’t begin immersed in the culture like my teammates were. Instead I felt like I was being submersed in the fathers future for me. I recognize something so precious with the stage of my life that I was in when he finally brought me to India.
Two days post accident landing in India I was at the most vulnerable stage in my life that I have ever been, spiritually, emotionally and physically. I was hyper aware of all my surroundings. I remember almost ever person that I saw or met in need and all the ways my heart felt responsable to help. I was more open to meaning. I questioned the meaning of life more than I ever had before and my spirit fought for meaning to being sent here in the first place.
God brought me to the one place in the world where I believe he truly purposed my entire life to be rooted at, in the moment when I needed to be held and lean on him the most. This now I find so marvelous because I believe that part of the reason I built such a rare relationship with a family in India was because of my vulnerability and fatigue in which he sent me into country to meet them.
Today I am not going to get into all of the ways/reasons that I was shown, Its time for me to come home. Some people may not have agreed or understood why I was leaving in the organization that I worked for but honestly Its okay not knowing or being in control. I was at a time heavy hearted by the control that I saw humans take in even businesses like these where God is a cornerstone, but the father was showing me something that I was going to walk into even without mans approval. My Jesus is my comforter, councilor and adviser. When the time was there for me to lean into faith I did have the support I needed behind the people who knew me the most and that to me was what mattered, not those who’s may have been blinded by policy or their own agendas. But as a Woman of spirit and flesh, I decided to make a choice and I am forever grateful for the one I made.
If there is one thing I could leave you with it would be the beginning of what I know, the rock that I hold firmly onto. World racer or not, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Gentile, Indian or American, Gods people matter. People matter. And as I speak as a woman actively pursuing a relationship with the father this Is how care to depict this message. We may have our different platforms, we may not always hold up to the things that we say we want to do, act like, look like, be. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t walk through ever day with our heads held high and our hand open to receive whatever it is placed before us that the father has called us to do. Because the father has designed us each uniquely in his own image, with intention for every breath that we breath on this earth. And for so much more than we settle for.
Thank you and God bless.
