In my last blog post, I gave some insight into what my past life looked like. Moving forward, I want to continue to share with you all what God has been doing in me these past two months. I also wrote a blog before this series where I opened up about some emotions that God had been bringing to the surface that I had not dealt with. He’s doing a work in me that’s for sure.
Update:
My team and I are currently in Kathmandu, Nepal. We actually are supposed to be stepping into our third month in India with the rest of our squad but God still has our team in Nepal. We believe in and are expectant for all that he has for us here this next week before we leave for India. We have had the greatest opportunity to know and spend time with our host family this month. We have been helping them in their ministries and also learning from them along the way. While being here, God has continued to reveal new things in me that he wants to restore and make whole again.
Preface:
During our first two weeks, God showed me a lot of things. He brought me into a whole new world: spiritual gifts. Yes, believe it or not, God has given us spiritual gifts that he wants us to grow in and also, operate in (1 Corinthians 12:7-11). For some of you reading, these things may seem foreign. For others, you may relate and be able to understand. Whichever category you fall into, I want to encourage you to ask God about spiritual gifts and what that looks like in your own life.
Moving forward: Lately, God has been giving me visions and opening up my mind to spiritual things. I talked about the “daddy issues” that I dealt with in my past blog that God was bringing back up. God gave me a vision regarding those “daddy issues.”
The Vision: Close your eyes and imagine this.
Jesus and I were standing on a platform with stairs in front of us. The stairs were going down. There was an opening at the bottom. Jesus took my hand and asked me, “Are you ready?” I responded, “ready for what?” He said, “just trust me.” Then He took my hand and we began to walk down the stairs. We entered into this oval-shaped cave. It’s tall and narrow and quite dark. I asked Jesus, “where are we?” He responded with, “this is your soul.” Jesus then pointed ahead of us and said, “I want to show you something.” There were two tv-screens in front of us. One screen to my left, and one on my right. The left one turned on first. It began to play back old memories that I had of the man that played the fatherly role in my life at a young age, but had died while I was still a young child. It played good memories and then also, the memory of his death. It reminded me of the absence of a father in my life. After the first screen turned off, the one on my right turned on. It began to play back memories that I have of my biological father. These memories reminded me of all of the times that I felt rejected and abandoned. It showed me the specific moments that I took on the identity of “I am not good enough.” After the second screen turned off, I fell to the ground. Jesus came and sat down gently and held me as I cried. After about ten minutes, Jesus got up and picked me up. He put me back on my feet and said, “Are you ready?” I responded, “ready for what?” He said, “It’s time to go.” So we began to walk back up the stairs. Then the vision ended.
After the vision was over, I asked God what the purpose of the vision was. He told me that I was holding onto old memories and the rejection that came from them and that I was allowing those circumstances to define who I was. He brought to my attention that these things were standing in the way of the love that He wanted to give me. He also said that he wanted to restore me and that my identity isn’t found in circumstances that happen in this world. He said that my identity is held within Him and that He is and can only be where my true identity lies. He is the freedom we long for, the love we seek after, the acceptance we chase, and the fulfillment we desire.
I will share more about some spiritual things that I faced throughout this time in my next blog that goes along with the breakthrough that God is bringing me through! Praise God for wanting to restore us back into wholeness with Him!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
-B
