There is an older country song that says, “sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.” In it the artist shares a time where he prayed that a particular girl would reciprocate the feelings that he had for her. The Lord did not grant his prayer and though at the time it was disappointing the artist goes on to share how grateful he is for the woman who is now his wife. While being a sweet little song I remember listening to on the radio as a young girl, it carries a weight that I did not understand until I was much older, the fact that the Lord’s timing and wisdom are far greater than my own. This song came to mind early in my time in the Dominican Republic.
I loved my time in Haiti. Though it is a spiritually dark nation, the people at Grace So Amazing left an everlasting impression on me. Leaving Haiti sincerely broke my heart, I spent my first few days in the DR mourning the loss of my sweet friends (I say loss because, though I know these friendships can be continued, to was painful to leave not knowing if I would ever see them again on this side of Heaven). I prayed fervently that the Lord would provide a way for me to get back to Haiti as quickly as possible. Before leaving Haiti, I prayed and hoped that somehow I would be able to stay, contemplating just spending eleven months in Haiti rather than continuing on the World Race. Needless to say, I was incredibly grateful that our first few days in the Dominican were spent at debrief, a time to rest and relax with my squad, rather than having to drive straight into ministry. My heart and mind were not in the right place; I was closed off to this new country.
Then I met Benji. On our last night at debrief my squad and I had a celebration on the rooftop of our hotel. Some of my squad mates had befriended two bothers, refugees from Venezuela who were currently living at the hotel with their mother. I had seen them around over the course of our time in the hotel but never took the time to visit with them. On our last night, as members of my squad played soccer with the boys, I realized that I had overlooked them and it broke my heart. I inserted myself into their soccer game. I was able to form a quick kinship with the boys, particularly the younger brother Benjamin, or Benji. We became fast friends as he was quick to tease me for my horrendous soccer skills and enthusiastic cheering. After our celebration I stayed on the roof for a couple of hours playing with the boys and asking them questions about their lives.
Paulo, the older of the two, recounted what it was like to for them to leave Venezuela, shared his family’s dream to move to Germany and his desire to go back to school. My heart broke for these sweet boys. Both of them had kind souls; they were quick to encourage each other, welcoming to all they encountered and loving to my squad. Paulo was wise far beyond his years, provided gentle guidance for his brother and had an eagerness to learn. Benji knows no stranger, he was goofy and had an irresistible joy. The next day I found myself waking up extra early to ensure that I had time to play with the boys after I finished packing my stuff.
Our time together was short, but saying goodbye to them broke my heart all over again. As the bus drove away from the hotel, all I could think to say was, “thank you Jesus.” The Lord is so sweet to me, to all of us. He knows my heart; He saw my pain. He knew, before I was even born, that I would spend that time in Haiti, fall deeply in love and that leaving them would break my heart. He knew that I would struggle to see the beauty in the DR, that my heart would initially be closed to that country. He knew that I would need that time of debrief, that I would need the friendships I developed with Benji and Paulo. Just as quickly as they came into my life, they left it. Still, the impact they had on my heart remains. The Lord created me with a heart for children, an intense desire to love them well. He knew the best way to mend my broken heart and open my eyes was to bless me with these brief friendships.
Not only do I thank the Lord for “unanswered prayers”, I thank Him for the ways that he answers our prayers individually. I praise the Lord for being all-knowing, a good gift giver and a good father. I praise Him for His perfect timing, I could have befriended Benji my first night at the hotel but I needed those first few days to focus on the Lord and not play. I praise the Lord for our ability to love and love deeply. I praise the Lord for creating us with the ability to greatly impact people in a short amount of time. I do not think any of our prayers ever truly go unanswered, but I know that we get told “no” or “not yet.” Even in those moments, when we do not get the desires of our hearts, I pray that we always remember there is a reason we are not in control. If the Lord gave me everything I ever wanted my life would be much less satisfying. I would be back in the States married with babies and puppies running around all over the place. It would be wonderful, but right now I know where the Lord has me is better.
I would like to end by encouraging each of you. When the Lord does not say “yes” to the things that we want, I pray that you remember His promises. I pray that you find comfort in the fact that He truly is all-knowing, all-powerful and that His timing is perfect. Whether you have been praying for financial prosperity, physical healing or a relationship with your crush, I pray that you continue to seek the Lord first. He loves you, He knows you, He wants what is best for you. No matter where life has you now, please remember these simple but powerful truths. You have been created with purpose. You are known, seen and loved by the creator of the universe.
All my love,
Bekah
