Occasionally I watch the show “Criminal Minds.” Actually, every Tuesday and Thursday mornings I watch an episode of this show. And I find it very interesting. I really do. It’s interesting to watch them analyze people by the things they do/have done. They build a profile based on the type of murders these people are committing.
Anyway, one morning while I was watching this show, one of the characters, David Rossi, was talking to someone else on the show, and he said, “Scars remind us where we’ve been; they don’t have to dictate where we’re going.”
I think I heard this quote back in like October or something. And I’ve been sitting on it for a long time–just waiting to write about what I thought about his statement. I have lots of thoughts about it. But recently I’ve been bringing it home to my life.
What does this actually look like in my life?
– It looks like getting back on the bike. When I was about 9 I had a really bad fall off my bike. My shoelace got caught in my chain, and I was twisted off my bike. I had terrible scrapes and bruises. And I stayed away from riding a bike for a few years. It scared me so much to think about riding again. But instead of letting the fear continue to dictate not riding my bike, I chose to get back up. Now I love riding bikes–especially along long trails in NC.
– It looks like choosing to live again. I went through a bad breakup that had a huge effect on my self esteem for years and years. Because of this, I almost ended my life. But slowly, the Lord showed me that I had a purpose–that my life could bring Him much glory. I chose Christ. I chose to die to myself. I chose life in Christ. And it has been a life more abundant. Much more abundant.
– It looks like risking everything for the glory of God. I am shy. I am terribly shy with new people. Large groups of people intimidate me. I’m not a huge fan of big gatherings. But. God is calling me on the Race. I’m risking everything. I’m choosing to lay it all down. I’m saying that my shyness is something that God can work through.
– It looks like investing my life in others. I’ve been in lots of situations where I’ve invested myself in many different people over the years. Sometimes they move, sometimes I move, other times we just lose contact. It’s the ebb and flow of relationships. I’ve had a few relationships that have remained constant over the years. But those are few and far between. Mostly, my relationships with my parents have been the most constant. When my dad passed away, it was a shock to my system. I was numb for a couple of months after. And I didn’t really know how to invest in people. But as time is moving forward, the Lord is teaching me how to invest myself in others again. He’s reminding me of how to love people well and how to serve them well.
If I had let my scars, especially from that last situation, dictate my future, I would be headed down a completely different path today. I think about this often. If the Lord had let me wallow in a place of grief for months and months, I would be in a place of depression. I would be stuck. I would be miserable. If I had refused to let my Father pick me up and shower comfort and love on me after my earthly daddy passed away, I would be a wreck. I would have run away from life.
But, instead, I grieved in my Father’s arms. I wept, and He caught every tear from my cheek. My heart was broken, but He was ready and willing to put the pieces back together. He helped me not to let my past, my scars, dictate where my future was going to take me. Instead, He’s integrating those scars into my story. He’s showing me daily how they can fit into His grand story of redemption. He’s reminding me that scars can actually be beautiful things. They can tell the story of how God has been at work in our hearts and lives.
As I was thinking about all these things, I remembered the song “Not For a Moment (After All)” by Vertical Church Music.
Listen to it. It’s wonderful.
One of the lines says, “After all, You are sovereign.”
All the things that I’ve been through have a purpose to them. I may not necessarily understand that purpose in this life. But God knows how it’s all working together for His great glory and for my ultimate good.
