Imagine with me that you are preparing to go to a friends house for dinner. This friend is known far and wide for their fantastic banquets. You have literally been dreaming about this since the last dinner and you can hardly hold in your excitement. Even though there are many guests you always feel like it was catered straight to you. You arrive at the house full of expectations of what the night will hold.
Your friend meets you at the door and receives you with the genuine love to which you are accustomed. There is nothing to suggest that this banquet will be different than any of the others. So when the doors to the grand dining hall are opened you are caught off-guard to see that the usual elegantly decorated table is gone. What was fit for a king, has been replaced with simple wooden table and chair. You aren't really sure what is going on but you try to hide your surprise as best as you can and walk to the table. You can't, however, mask your reaction when you see the chair that is pulled out for you is obviously broken.
Confusion and doubt sweeps in then the questions start. “Why am I being treated so differently? What have I done wrong?” You know nothing but good from your friend's history of love and hospitality so whatever the problem it must be your fault. Suddenly it doesn't matter how many fine events you have attended or the love with which you were received. Something is wrong and you have to be the one to blame. You almost expect to see anger and rejection but instead you see the same sweet smile as they patiently wait for you to accept the invitation.
We spent three nights at debrief accepting God's invitation to sit in that place of brokenness . I came prepared for a spiritual feast but God had something much deeper in mind. We put a voice to the sins and faults that have held us back and cause us to stumble. It is one thing to share your broken places with God but quite another to stand in the center of a room and share your deepest struggles with fifty people. That, however, was the invitation; a chance to lay bare all the hurt and pain that has been stored away in our hearts and to create a net of accountability.
Being in the place of brokenness, at the time, seems like more of a punishment than a loving call to intimacy. But it creates freedom to love God and those around you in a deeper way. Undoubtedly, it is the hardest and most uncomfortable seat I have ever sat in, and most likely not the last time I will sit in it. Just know, as I now know, God is faithful and trustworthy. He calls each of us in our own time to a place of brokenness. There is no way to sit and lean on your own strength. To sit is to trust that you will be caught, and you are. The goal in brokenness isn't to dwell in the chair but to lay everything out on the table and leave it.
