We were warned in our first cultural debriefing upon entering Asian lands that people may come up to us and rub our skin. This was especially the case if we were in the villages, and it was culturally acceptable and no one meant any harm in it. Lets face it we tend to stick out wherever we go so people are naturally curious. We were also warned that if you were bigger at all people would probably come touch your arms or giggle your stomach or simply tell you that you are big. This also is considered normal custom. In this part of the world light skin + being big = wealth and beauty. Also, if you are all these things white, big, wealthy you must be lucky so all the more reason for people to want to touch you.
My first real run in with “culture” happened in a village in Thailand. We had just arrived and were making our way to the houses we would call home for the next week. Many people had come to outside to watch us walk down the street. Being gawked at was nothing new by this time on the race so we smiled and waved as per usual. I was soon surprised by a man who came out of his front yard and grabbed my arm. It wasn't a mean or harmful grasp but it made me take a step back. He smiled and laughed as he shook the fat on my arm. I sometimes I wish I had a picture of what my face looked like in that moment. I imagine it to be a very comical mixture of shock and utter confusion with a pinch of horror.
True we had been told that this might happen but I guess I had thought they meant children. I soon realized how wrong my assumptions were. In that particular village it was mostly the women who would laugh then grab my arm to giggle it. But the men that we did cement work with would call me Rambo and occasionally pat me on the arm. Oh the things that we get to experience for the sake of culture. In the beginning I had to daily remind myself not to be hurt by any of this. Now three months in to Asian lands I rather tend to expect this when going to a new place or walking down the street and its no longer a big deal.
We will be walking down the street and as I glance around I'll occasionally meet eyes with a guy who will smile the sweetest smile and then say something like “Hey you big, BIG, BIG!” Complete with hand motions to make sure I understand. I do my best to smile my sweetest smile and keep on walking. I've given it some thought and decided that 95% of the time I am ok with all of this. I accept it as the culture. I realize how much of an oddity I am for the people here, I am big anyway but especially when compared to their naturally small stature.
Almost daily I have dozens of little dirty hands pinch or flick or patting my arms just because they think its funny, and really I guess it is. But that game can only last so long before I start “pinching” or patting their arms back till they get annoyed and find a new game. (This works pretty well for the children…I don't really try it on the adults.)
Now as for the other 5% of the time, when I've already had a bad day or am just tired or any other number of reasons, I could go sit in a corner and cry. This is especially true when the third person in a row thought it would be nice to tell me how big I am. On days like this I try my best to mask my frustration when children aren't really wanting to leave my arms alone. Especially if my arms are already bruised from little fingers. Sometimes I get fed up and want to throw a fit and slap any hands that even remotely look like they are going to reach for me. (Physical touch has never been high on my love language scale and these last three months haven't really helped it much.)
It did, however, help shed light on how much God has healed my heart and my mind. If you don't know; a big part of my testimony is the four years I spent in deep dark depression. I utterly hated everything about myself. Especially the way I looked. Long story short…God took me on a long, slow, hard journey out of that. It took various people in three different countries continually pointing out my size and least favorite part of my body to realize just how much He has set me free from. In time past I would have been devastated to say the least by even one comment, and went on a rampage in my mind about how ugly and unworthy I was. But I can say, quite honestly, that those thoughts have never even been entertained in my head in this time because I KNOW the beauty and worth that God has put inside me and that's irrevocable. I wish I had the words to explain how monumental that realization is in comparison to how it used to be in my mind.
So while it still isn't my favorite thing (to be told I'm big or to have my arms constantly touched) I can smile from my heart knowing that it is only a reminder to a transformation God has done in my heart and mind. The level He heals the hurts in us is in direct proportion to how much we are willing to let go. So if I happen to have a less that peachy day I simply choose to let go. And don't you know God never does anything half way…so He provided an amazing family (back at home and on the race) to remind me nearly daily of the beauty He created me in. That way I can never forget it…even on the 5% days.
*****Side note as many of you may already know I am fully funded!!! PRAISE GOD, who did this in the most amazing way. (If you haven't heard the story I encourage you to read my blogs "1 Impossible Thing and Knowing) What you may not know is that while room and board are covered in the money that was donated toward funding, there are many things that are not. We use personal funds on the race for necessary items like toiletries, shoes/clothes/gear (you'd be surprised how rough traveling the world is things), snacks, medical needs, and anything else you can't get off the free table. It is also used for activities on free days and sometimes donating to the needs of our contacts. I will also need funds for my plane ticket home at the end of the race. (India is going to be here before you know it!) *We are flown back to the states, but not necessarily back to our home state so we are responsible for the ticket from that final destination. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support thus far on the race and if you are interested in donating to my personal fund you can do that via PayPal to : [email protected] or you can message me here or on Facebook and I will send you my mother's (Linda Perkins) address to mail a check. Or if it is easier donations can be given in person to any of my sisters. Please message me at [email protected] if you have any questions about any of this. Thank you again!
