One of my prayers this month has been for Jesus to take me deeper. I didn’t know what that would look like or how it would happen, I just knew I wanted more of Jesus–whatever it takes. Well, He has heard those prayers and has answered with a, ‘yes, let’s do this’. And it’s scary, but so good.
Part of this came about this past Thursday. Thanks to our wonderful Nepali friends, we were able to host some girls we met at the dance bars earlier this week at our guesthouse to have lunch and to cultivate relationships with them, and what a beautiful day it was. The girls were so loving and sweet – it didn’t feel like we had just met them a few days before. The fact that they were even willing to come over was such a blessing, I know it was all the favor of the Lord.
After hanging out for a bit and taking pictures together while lunch was cooking, one of my Nepali friends pulled me aside and said, “I want this to be meaningful and special for them, I don’t want it to just be lunch and that’s it. Let’s wash their feet so we can show them Jesus’s love and that we love them!”
Of course, I was all about it. I have seen such power come from showing others love through an act seemingly as small as washing feet – because it not only demonstrates love, but it shows that we value the person and consider them worth it to serve them in that way. Ugh, I love it. We set up and got ready to go. When it was explained to the girls, there were some nervous laughs and a bit of confusion as to what we were thinking in being willing and actually wanting to wash their feet, but when we took their hands and led them over, they willingly followed.
All except one.
One of the beautiful girls refused to sit and let us wash her feet. She pulled away and wouldn’t let us convince her that it was something we genuinely wanted to do out of love for her. When she kept refusing, we didn’t force it.
A little while later, I was over in the kitchen when I looked out the window and saw the same sweet girl bent over by a bucket of water. Curious, I went out to see what she was doing. My heart melted as I saw her viciously scrubbing her feet to clean them – as if she was ashamed of how dirty they were. Compassion flooded over me as my eyes were opened and I saw her clearly through the eyes of Jesus–how I imagine He sees each one of us. I knelt beside her and tenderly said, “Sister, you don’t have to do this, we will do it for you, just come! We don’t mind.”
She still didn’t listen. I let her be.
After a while, she made her way back to where we were washing feet. She timidly came over and sat down in the chair in front of me. Oh, how my heart ached.
So I washed her feet and prayed over her the whole time as I had just witnessed a picture of what we as humans tend to do so often in the presence of Jesus without even realizing it.
Just as the precious girl didn’t think her feet were okay to bring to us as they were, we don’t think we are good enough to bring to Jesus as we are. We are ashamed of the dirt we have clinging to us. We don’t think we will be accepted or are deserving of love for who we are. We think we will be judged and condemned. We believe there is always something we can fix, that we can clean up a little bit to be more presentable, more acceptable. We believe there is more we can do, more work we can put in to be more deserving of love, because we so readily believe that we have to earn it. It can’t just be given freely, can it? That makes no sense.
But that’s the point, it doesn’t make sense at all. That’s Kingdom living. It’s upside down and backwards and doesn’t seem to be logical at all to our human minds, but that’s the beauty of it! And that’s why it is so difficult for us to grasp as humans. I love it. I love the chaos and the craziness of this type of living.
And in that craziness, Jesus invites us to come as we are–in our brokenness and shame and dirty mess that we carry. He sees it, He knows it. We can’t hide it from Him with a quick rinse, because it’s still there. But guess what? He doesn’t mind. He says, “Daughter, you don’t have to do this, I will do it for you, just come! I don’t mind.”
He wants it all. He wants all of us. It is not too much for Him. He isn’t surprised by it. In fact, He delights in washing it all away for us. The cleaning we try to do for ourselves is just a cover, it just hits the surface and ends up coming right back. But when we come to Jesus as we are and take all we carry to Him, He looks at us through eyes of love and tenderly washes all our shame and dirt away from the inside out – making us whole and complete. Man, it’s so beautiful.
This month, Jesus has shown me more of what seeing people through His eyes looks like, and how I haven’t fully been doing that. I pray for His eyes and I say that I forgive people, but I realized how I still tend to hold onto the hurt and hold it over their head instead of seeing them as redeemed and whole, like Jesus does. It was painful to admit.
Jesus is leading me through some tough and unexpected places – but what He is teaching me along the way is transforming how I see and love people, and for that I am so thankful. It brings a whole new beauty to the cross and to how I have realized Jesus sees me, and how I want to see people – including myself. I want to be more like You, Jesus.
The journey of going deeper has only just begun and I know there is much more to come, but I’m ready. Whatever it takes to be closer to Jesus.
Let’s do this.
