to define a missionary, what would it look like? Although this list seems a
little outlandish, think about it; most Americans could probably admit to
buying into many of these at some point in their lives. And I’m guessing a few
people still do…
Missionaries;
maybe it’s their perfect walk with the Lord, where they spend at least 3 times
a day in prayer and read the Bible through numerous times each year. They
possess every fruit of the Spirit and live them out with exceptional eloquence.
When they do sin, it’s not really a big thing. Maybe they say a cuss word here
and there, but don’t have the capacity to really screw up anything major. After
all, they are a missionary.
I have known
for a long time that my calling in life is to be a missionary; to serve on the
mission field overseas and live as one of the many who so often go unnoticed.
But in pursuit of this calling, I have found myself coming up short on several occasions.
I have made mistakes, given in to unwanted peer pressure, or simply gotten
tired of being so “good.” And every time I fall, I hide, thinking that no one
can know about my mistakes. Because what missionary would do those things?
comes to an end, I start to think of the major things the Lord has taught me
this year. And the one word that shines brighter than most others is grace. Grace for the world,
my peers, and grace for myself. What
good is it for me to show grace to an entire world without the ability to accept
it for myself? And without opening up and sharing my mistakes, I never give you
the opportunity to extend grace either. So this is my white flag waving in surrender
to being the “missionary-do-gooder,” asking forgiveness for my past and a
partnership for my future.
I am tired
of living half-way. I want no more of the lukewarm life; simply sliding back
into the shadows when holiness becomes too tiring. I’m done with the lies;
hiding my mistakes because I’m ashamed of what the world will think of me or
what will happen to my future. I know that
I am not perfect and that my actions render consequences. There will probably be
more mistakes in my future because the devil is sneaky; I am not ignorant. But I want to be transparent, not allowing the
devil to have a foothold in my life because of temptation I couldn’t ignore. We
all fall, but we get back up much faster with the love and support of a
community that knows our failures but also knows our potential is greater.
I’m ready to
BE the change I want to see in everyone else around me. No more talking about
it, waiting for everyone to jump in altogether, or sitting back hoping things
just change themselves. I’m taking the step forward, leaving all the rest
behind, and making a change. I know God works everything out for the good of
those who love Him and are called by Him. I know I am called, and I love no one
more than Him, so I have no doubt that even in my failings, He is painting a
beautiful picture of redemption and grace with every stroke.
Perfect
missionary? They don’t exist. But here I stand, ready to be used by the Lord;
admitting that my imperfections are there but will never be strong enough to
overpower the impact God can have with my life.
