Sometimes we, as humans, have a huge disconnect between our
head and our heart. At least, I sure did walking into this past week of
training camp. I had no expectations, no idea of what the week had in store. I
simply showed up, ready for anything. Or so I thought…
For the longest time, I have struggled with knowing what God
says about me, but never actually feeling
His love and grace rush over me. I even found myself feeling sympathetic and
hurting for people due to their past experiences, when I had experienced the
same issues as them. I never would claim the truth that I had been through such
horrible things, even though I have honestly dealt with them and moved on.
I could look you in the face and say that I believed in
God’s love. I believe in His healing power, I believe He thinks I’m beautiful,
yada yada. But deep down, I didn’t actually believe it. I thought, “Of course,
God loves everyone.” But still had doubts about my beauty, and my
forgiveness. I would say, “Of course God can heal me.” But deep down, knew that
I’d still have to carry that burden.
Why? Why could I not believe these truths were about me? I
guess I rationed with myself, always saying that other people had experienced
way worse. That I shouldn’t be feeling bad for myself when I had gotten off
easy. And that is a lie. God cares for each of us in a way so incredibly deep
that it’s incomprehensible. And I
finally started to grasp hold of that.
Do you know what God says about you? Do you know the truths
that are listed about the feelings God has towards you? I thought I did, but
this past week, I truly experienced redemption and love. I am a queen of God.
God loves the sound of my voice. God has called me. God wants to give me
the nations. I am His child. He loves
me. He loves me. And for one of the first times, I really believe it.
Deep down, I know that I am His, and He loves me so much it hurts.
“There’s no end to the affection that YOU have for me.”
-JD Helser
Do you believe that? I do.
Bekah
